I hate me-me's, but I think this could be fun....

I seriously hate these things.... But when I read Maudie today, I think I stumbled across the perfect get over "whatever," get over the "blahs" challenge for us bloggers.

Please gimme' the top five things you'd like something automated to be able to say.

Here's Maudie's #1 : "Note to Nissan - replace the beeps with a loud recording of 'Hey dumbass - the car's still on!'"

This was from her story, Donkey = ASS.

So here's my top 5 :

1) A drive through bank machine at a full service bank that could say "Hey dumbass, this is for quick and convenient service. Not all of the monthly bill payments that you can actually do on-line anyhow, but that the 5 tellers inside twiddling their thumbs would love to help you with, so the nice lady behind you that only wants $50 cash to put in her grandson's birthday card could get on her way."

2) An automated phone system that could say, "What are you, retarded? You won't get anyone real soon or even possibly in this lifetime. Should you actually be able to communicate with a human being, what the hell makes you think that they're going to be able to speak English at the wages we pay them?"

3) An automated Tele-marketing system that could say, "Hi. I realize that this is an answering machine but you know what? It's my companies dime and I think that together, we can bust'em. I plan on talking until the funds in the Swedish bank account are fully drained. Don't worry, by now you've actually figured it out. That's the differance between you the actually intelligent consumer, and the FuckTards that bought me."

4) A Google Earth system that could say, "Ha.... nice try! Have you not realized that the only clear pictures on my system are NOT OF YOUR HOUSE ! But should you choose to Google any military base in the world, come on down! Here's what they're doing 1 minute ago."

5) Finally. A dryer that could say, "Buzzzzzzzzz..... Fooled you! No really, Buzzzzz.... Ha-Ha crap..... gotcha' again. Ok Buzzzzzzzzzzzz........oh so close! One more should do it.... Buzzzzzzzzzz............... O lord I crack me up! That shits still damp."

I only do this because I know you won't let me down, creative minds never do...

I hearby initialy tag..............

The Wife
A man called Doc

Your mission, create a top 5 things you'd like to hear automation come up with. I do not give a ratz ass if you tag others. If you do, great. I'd love to hear about it. I just want you all to have a chance to vent and get rid of the "whatevers."

I think this could be fun if we let it. I have about 65 more, but that would be a long ass post and only we'd get it. I am Canadian, I love to share.
Don't let me down.

To all others...... Your ideas would be greatly appreciated in the comments.
I need a good laugh !

My sincerest thanks for dropping by ....


pokertart said...

Got the hint. Posted twice ;)

Instant Tragedy said...




lj said...

lol. i'm digging medusaur, and picturing a dinosaur w/ snakes coming out of its head.

Riggstad said...

I would love cell phones to laugh hysterically and shout "we fucked you again!" when the call drops.

Instead of the dead silence that you always think you will get through if you ask "are you still there?" more than ten times before you look at the handset screen, close the phone, and ultimatley scream M'er F'er's!.

Then, constantly get a busy signal or go right to voicemail of the other party as you both ferverishly try to call each other back because god knows you don't want to leave the call thinking that something was taken out of context!

The Wife said...

I posted - but the dates are messed up.

See what you think.