Frantic Friday : The Tax Audit edition.... (NSFW)

Yeah, it's that time of year here in Bedrock!

Time to gather up all of the information about every penny you were paid, every penny you've invested, every penny you've donated and well hell! You need to be able to show or explain anything about anything, that you had to do with that dirty old thing called money over the previous year.

Time to figure out if you can come out a little bit ahead or not, in the great war that is income tax.

Now typically, the process is pretty straight forward and easy enough, that just about anyone should be able to get through it all by themselves. But of course, this kid just ain't "typical" enough. Several outside influences and a couple of paperwork issues, always tend to make me look rather 'interesting' to the Federal Government. It's to the point now where, I might as well stamp AUDIT ME in bright red letters on the top of every tax return I send in. Yes your lovable Bam-Bam the Benevolent™ (courtesy of PokahDave tyvm!) has been audited by the Federal Government, in each of the last 8 years.

Don't ask!

It always turns up nothing and NO! I am not evading my duty to supply my great Nation, with my fair share of her financial needs. Believe me, I pay quite enough thank you.

But due to the 'interest' of the Federales, I get help. Help that will have to follow up, (and put up) with the endless line of crap that these audits can present for a kid. I simply sign a form, pay and walk away. I also do not have the same person prepare my tax form for me every year. It's always easier, when the sucker doesn't see you coming! Yes.... I actually refer to myself as 'Mr. Smartypants' as I walk out the door, after finalizing things for tax form preparation.

So this year, was supposed to be no different!

Peb's and I went in together last night and had our taxes done.

Now to start with, this year's auditor was kind of nice.

Think :


As in, she could totally have been the feature act for :

The Procedure™ (courtesy of BadBlood tyvm)

This caused some distraction for certain. I mean getting your taxes done, just isn't ever supposed to be :

a day at the Beach! But to make things just a little easier this time around, we had a little eye candy looking all pretty in :

pink, to help us get through the entire process. This part of the whole deal, was VERY +EV indeed!

Now typically when you think about tax time, I think most people will just go ahead and assume the proper :

position, befitting the task at hand. But I don't like to think like that at all. I've managed to balance within about +/- $40.00 every year, for most of the last half dozen years or so anyways. So none of this process ever makes me feel edgy or :

handcuffed, due to the stress. It's just part of the process that has to be done.

During one part of the process last night, the auditor, (did I mention she was seriously HAWT!) got :

all tripped up on something. I couldn't really tell what it was at that point but I can say, I didn't like the look she had on her face. She started clicking and typing and mashing keys on the keyboard, as if she had gone back and :

undone everything that she had already completed.

I didn't know exactly what it all meant, but it certainly didn't look too good. I asked her, "you've got that look that I really don't like to see. Are you about to tell us to put our head's :

down and our asses up?"

She didn't even take the time to giggle. She just suddenly stopped typing and sat back from the screen. There was no immediate look our way, just a blank stare followed up with what I'm pretty sure was the word 'shit,' said just slightly louder than a whisper.

"I don't even think they're going to :

kiss you first either." she said, as she finally took her eyes off of that monitor.

But it wasn't me she was looking at!

"Peb's, how come you haven't had enough taxes taken off of your paycheques all year?" she enquired. "You've gotten yourself into full :

owe the Government position, haven't you?"

This caught us both off guard at first. We had to re-look at absoloutley everything together, to figure it all out. We made sure that we didn't overlook even :

one piece of information.

But :

then it came to us, jumping out of all the paperwork as if it was written in neon ink. The "buy-out" package she was paid from the dump that I am still employed at.

Over that time frame, she took payment in the form of a regular weekly cheque. Since she was already working elsewhere, it was like getting three paycheques every week, instead of just the normal two. We also knew that we would have bought something big and stupid with the cash for sure, if we would've taken it all at once. So it just made more sense. But because of the timing of her departure, (Christmas, nice huh?) the payroll department only calculated the time she had left with the company, as the amount that should be taxable for the entire year. In other words, they failed to deduct about $2500 or so that should have been paid out in taxes.

The good news is, they also forgot to remove her contributions to the C.P.P., (Canada Pension Plan) and U.I., (Unemployment Insurance) so with being paid by two jobs so to speak, she doubled up about $1500 in payments there. Still not perfect, but owing $1000 is ever so slightly better, than owing $2500.

I bet you didn't know that discussing taxes and audits, could ever be this interesting did you? I got a lot of help on the matter, from someone's HAWT WIFE !

**Just because it's a great tune and I don't know how many of you had ever heard of it before, here's the full version of Your Sex is on Fire, by The Kings of Leon.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....

Considering the "reasonable"....

Here's a bizarre concept. Let's take a look at the BIG picture, rather than focus on what we look like right now.

I am so NOT 'that guy' that wants to discuss anything typically political. Occasionally however, one of the 'barely made it into the political arena, by way of a minority vote' officials, has been known to say something worth noting. The other day just by chance, happened to provide one of those moments.

George Smitherman has always seemed to me, as a guy who just might get it. In our legislature, he has been nicknamed "Furious George" for his aggressive, colourful and often abrasive antics in sessions. His plight has always been focused on reducing wait times in our health care system and despite taking a brutal back-stabbing hit from within his own political party on this topic, he has remained stead fast and determined about upgrading what currently exists.

But the topic George has taken on this time, is not health care. No, George decided to take Canadiana to the next level of politics, by blasting our OLG, ( The Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation ) who is under some very serious scrutiny already, for a little suspicious "insider" winning situation.

Now George decided to take a stand when the OLG bought 22 Mercedes Benz vehicles for contest prizes to be given away, rather than buying some good old fashioned General Motors products, made right here in our very own Province! Not sure why he went with GM only, (can't have anything to do with campaign contributions, since George drives a Ford!) as Chrysler, Ford, Toyota and Honda, all have plants here as well. But take a stand he did! He wanted to know why they didn't buy Canadian at least or even better, something from within our own Provincial tax paying, auto manufacturing business sector.

I say, good on ya' George!

Except for one small thing.

Uh George....... Isn't the whole point of the OLG and all of the lotteries and gaming in our Province, to help raise the money needed to improve our situation? Let's take a little look see at the reason the OLG was created in the first place shall we?

What do they do with the $ raised ?

In the 2004/05 business year, OLG generated approximately $2 billion in proceeds that were allocated by the Province of Ontario, including:

$1.5 billion to hospitals
$334 million to general government priorities such as health care and education
$100 million to the Ontario Trillium Foundation
$36 million to problem gambling (<== of which I saw $0.00 TYVM !)

*Buy the way, on a side note* I personally find it a little alarming that the current stats for an organization VERY under suspicion of insider activity, only carries four year old statistics for all to see! But then again, who am I to say anything?

I think George's calls to buy not only Canadian but within our own Province, are very admirable. I just think he's missing the true 'big picture' on this one.

Let's see, sell tickets or hold a lottery for 22 Mercedes Benz vehicles and see if we can raise a little cash, or see if we can garner the same type of interest in 22 Chevy Impalas that were tendered at a higher (WTF?) initial purchase price? Hmmm..... Mercedes Benz or Chev Impala at a slightly higher price. Which one might help sell more tickets and make me a buck or two more? What would you do?

So here's my take, as written to a fellow proponent of improving our situation.

= = = = =

Dear George,

I can't begin to tell you how proud I am as a Canadian and fellow Ontarian, to see you stand up for what you believe in your heart, is the right thing for our Province to do! It takes a very special person to stand in front of our great Legislature, and ask for a righting to a serious wrong. It is a truly wonderful thing to know someone is willing to stand in front of the assembly and voice a concern, for our Ontario workers.

Having said that however George is it just me, or is your aim just a tick off?

Standing up to represent the CAW and the average grommet pushing/air gun wielding $35 per hour Canadian making over $80,000 per year, is a very noble cause indeed. Particularly, when so many are in the news for the amount of job losses that are occurring in the automotive sector at this time. Very bold and original politics my friend!

I figure since you're on such a great rush, I'd ask for a little support in a few other areas as well. So if you think you could find the time, could you just take a quick look at these five other items as well?

1) Could we try offering Ontario Apples to our MPP's while they're in Legislature? Rather than the imported ones from Chile.
2) Could we take a quick look locally, and see if the flags at the Legislature could possibly be purchased within the Province? The nylon ones from Korea just don't seem to be lasting all that long.
3) What say you to the idea, that all future catering for any and all Provincial shindigs that happen to get thrown together for one reason or another, are tendered by a company that pays a couple of bucks in Provincial taxes every year? As opposed to the U.S. company that is frequently flown in from Vermount, just to make you folk a nice sammich.
4) Perhaps the new office chairs for the entire Government of Ontario that seem to be replaced every year without fail, could be sourced from a slightly more local supplier than Asia. I see there's an added incentive as well, what with the local chairs being about $35 cheaper each and all.

and finally....

5) Do you think it would be possible to drop the focus on you being, "Canada's only openly gay Minister of Energy and Infrastructure" and put a little more focus on you being Canada's only Minister of Energy and Infrastructure? Because the last time I checked, it was an offensive remark for me to call you gay, despite you taking such great pride in the matter and using it to full advantage, whenever you see fit.

So George I'd like to leave you with one final thought on this whole buying car's from an Import manufacturer subject if I could. How is it, that the local automotive manufacturing sector couldn't be convinced to donate a few vehicles for charity within their own community in the first place? Was the barter system thrown out the window, despite these being actions deemed for the greater good of the Province and/or community?

I have to tell you here and now George, I just don't get it !

My big picture thinking....

Buy Canadian, whenever you can.
Buy extremely local, whenever possible.
Always support the community you live in, somehow or some way.

But solely in the name of the greater good....

Get a deal whenever you see one, and then bitch about the local business that couldn't see fit to get behind that cause with you! I'd say with all of the talk about bailing out the poor old automotive industry, we're already supporting them within our local community.

Yours truly,

One of Canada's openly heterosexual tax payers.

= = = = =

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


Waffles Wednesday....YOU CAN OPEN IT AT WORK.!....

So despite being called out for my inability to write by Waffles, I feel I owe him some kind of apology for my, "need to put naked chick pictures on your blog."

I'm not sure exactly why I feel this need, but I'll chalk it up to his recent 40th. Birthday. That must have been pretty traumatic for him. I mean it can't be easy having your actual numerical age, start catching up to about half of your apparent physical age! I can't imagine what that must feel like! That's why I've always tried to stay a kid. Poor Waffles! I wish I could teach him the secret to staying young. I tried to work with him during our quality time together back in Vegas, but the silly bugger got smashed out of his gourd. Alcohaulin' ass can be a dangerous combination for newbies, when Al and I are around. Looking back, we probably should've adjusted the intake plan a bit for the poor little bugger.

So Waffles was worried about all of the pics on my Frantic Fridays. He says he reads this "rag" at work in the morning. I could understand how some of my pics could definitely be considered NSFW. Which by the way for any of you that may have been stuck in a game of WoW, wanking with your mage for the last couple of decades or so, happens to mean Not Safe For Work.

So what I tried to do with a little bit of way out there thinking was, apply the NSFW tag directly to each title. My little way of offering up a warning of sorts. You see Frantic Fridays may not be considered writing in some circles I guess, but they make me happy! The last time I checked, that was what this little corner of the intertubles was supposed to be all about. So sometimes I write crap about Poker, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I worry about pissing someone off, and sometimes I don't.

Now I actually happen to know for a fact, that Waffles does indeed like the shape of a woman. Anyone who knows enough to drool that much over the very bendy CK, just has to actually get it. So he gets bonus points for excellent selection and so, I won't be the guy that goes running my mouth off calling him all ghey and crap. In this one thing alone, I'll give him his due!

So what can I do for the birthday of a WoW'oholic that likes women, but can't hold his booze? Someone that takes the time to point out to me that they "don't read that rag," but always manages to find flaw in everything I do.

I think I came up with the perfect solution! See what you think.

Today is Waffles Wednesday....

My dear friend Waffles just had a big birthday! The calender says he turned 40. That's a pretty big number if you think about it. But on Waffles, 40 looks pretty good, despite the fact that 40 only seems about half right, once you actually get to meet him. I kid!

I'm a HUGE Waffles fan. So I wanted to make him a very special present for his birthday. We all know about some of Waffles favorite things, so I thought I'd mash them all up together and create a page of women that my friend Waffles can not only really enjoy, but he can safely open the file this morning at work.

So without further adieu I give you the only WoW that actually matter today. The Women of Waffles !!

Make no mistake, Waffles likes'em young and curvy!

They do however, need to know how to take care of a man!

They should also have a kinky side. Someone that's not afraid to get jiggy with something or someone, that just might be from a different species all together.

Now the real women of his dreams, would try and carry herself with that little edge of fantasy.

She also has to be capable of protecting the little guy. Sometimes he can get himself into a whole heap of trouble, simply by opening his mouth. Sometimes there are those out there, that just don't get the Waffles experience. So we should find him someone strong :

but still sexy!

But I think that's hard to do for him, in as much as he totally prefers to add a touch of sleeze to that particular look. Just not "naked."

So with all of this criteria taken into consideration, I finally managed to find Waffles the perfect woman! It was not easy and I took great pride in leaving no 'stone' unturned for my friend.


I found her !

So here she is.............

The perfect woman !!


Too bad she's already taken!

Oh relax Waffles! I really did find the perfect girl for you.

Just remember to always eat your veggies! I hear her name is Broccoli.

Happy Birthday shit head. :p

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


Shooting near Canadian Poker room....

I played three games last night and went two for three in cashes.

Carrying on with yesterday's theme, I naturally money bubbled the first game. Pissed me off a little too, as my bust out hand could be seen coming from miles away. Agro-Donk that would play any two cards and catch every single time, was the massive chip leader. So naturally when he put me all in while I held K-K and had just flopped top set, I expected the worst. I got it! As his complete air on the flop, naturally went runner-runner, double-gutter, to give him the straight. I got it in good and lost, gg me!

The second game was a bit different. I ran well early and was lucky enough to have run two huge hands, into two big hands. In the first of these, it was checked around to my BB while I held 4-4. A flop of 4-4-A saw a min. bet by the SB, a call by your hero and then a 3x raise from middle position. SB made the call and I had to think of the best way to make a chip or two more. I went with the smooth call. The turn 7 didn't look like it changed too much, except for suiting up with one of the fours. After a check from both the SB and myself, mid-position made a pot sized bet. This caused me to lose the SB player but let me know that just maybe, I could get all of Mr. mid-positions chips. I re-potted and saw an insta-jam come right after I acted. I made the call and my flopped quads somehow, managed to hold on against his A-Q.

The second hand of importance in that game, after limping in from the SB with 8h-9h, the flop of 6h-10c-7h kind of peaked my interest. It was certainly an action flop, as three others were willing to toss a few chips into the center. The 5h on the turn brought even better action for me, as I managed to get two players to commit there entire stacks to the pot. My straight flush held against the Ace high flush and a flopped set of ten's. I was the monster chip leader! I never looked back from that point on, and managed to score a win.

Game three was STUD Hi/Lo. Still not a huge fan of the split format, but I've recently been having a lot more fun while playing it, so it's a game I'll take on every once in awhile. Similar to the second game of NLHE, I ran descent at the start. Having two made lows to the 6 or 7, luckily catch something special on 6th. street, to make wheels out of both. Good enough for the scoop on both occasions.

It was about this time, that I started to notice the bizarre noises coming from outside. Peb's and I had thought we'd heard something the other night as well and when we woke up in the morning, the tracks were evident everywhere. We have a Raccoon family snooping around. So despite the bright light emanating from the basement window where I sit to play some Poker, the little bugger was scratching around just a few short feet away. A brazen Raccoon, is not what you want hanging around your house. By the time I'd grabbed the gun and made my way to where I thought I could find the damn thing, I didn't have to do too much more investigating at all. There he was, hanging off of the suet feeder at the kitchen window that Peb's likes to put out for all her peckers. I snuck around the back, scared it off the feeder and it only took one shot.

Back at the game a little while later, finds me running either incredibly card dead or even worse! Running made hands by fifth, into what seemed to be obvious winners by seventh. I had to let go of some pretty damn good hands on 6th. and 7th., 'cause I just knew I was beat. That can eat at your chip stack a little, not to mention your patience. But still, each time it was the right thing to do. At several points, I'd gotten all the way down to about 6 possible bring-ins total. Each time I'd manage to catch just enough of a hand or a break where no one else had anything to fight back with, and managed to hang on for dear life until we got down to four-handed.

That was where the gun had to be brought out once again. I was convinced this would be the ruination of me in the game, but getting rid of the pests now is way better than putting up with them all Summer long! So out I went again. There was more than one this time, DAMN! A warning shot got them moving in the right direction, but it just wasn't good enough I guess. The second shot got all but one of them moving back into the trees in a hurry, as the one near the back of the gang laid motionless. I came back in once again, but left the gun at the door just in case.

As I sat back down at the computer, I was amazed to see I was still in the game. The only thing that had changed was, another 'shorty' had been created at the table. muhc and TheGoatlady, pretty much had all of the chips at the table. Only three got paid! I was on the bubble once again. It was time to put my plan to the test for the second time of the night. Watch, focus and learn, was what I needed to do. And I did. At one point of the session, I worked my way up from worst to first. Something I'm very proud of myself for accomplishing.

We lost our fourth at the table and the bubble had burst. I was getting paid for another game of Poker. I tried my best to improve from the third place position, but in the end it just wasn't going to happen. I ran second nuts into the nuts one time at the higher levels, and that was all it took. I would not have enough chips to make any kind of play. I was in the worst possible place you can be in STUD, 'pick three cards and ride'em out.' I even managed to pick the right three! Not that it did me any good. But once again, I did get'em in good.

Thanks for all the fun, to everyone that joined me in that game last night. It was great to see you all once again.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


I'm gonna' put the shift on....

I made the decision Friday to shift away from the 90 player NLHE MTT's for a while. I studied my stats for finishing position and found myself constantly averaging an 11th. out of the 90. An average of two spots off the cash, HAS to be considered a leak in my bigger MTT play. I then broke down all the numbers and you know what, it's no wonder I had a fishie representing me on Sharkdope. I have been making some really horriffic decisions during the short-handed final two table play. More on that later!

So I just finished #300 of the 90 player MTT's and #400 total, for all SnG's on FullTilt last Friday. Total summary that's important to me? It's cost me $0.70 per game as I stand right now, despite some good results that paid me once in a while. Despite the fact that any final table finish at the $2 and $3 levels is only a little chump change, getting that $4 to $7 for the 9th or 8th place finishes more frequently, can make a HUGE difference in your ROI for your play! I bumped my average finish up to 9th. place and took a look at the data then. WOW ! Maybe it shouldn't be such a surprise to me, but it was! It almost reversed my numbers completely, to where I would've made an average of $0.50 per game played in these things. Just for finishing two places higher on average, in a pretty small amount of games.

So what's stopping me?

Horrific decision #1 - Sit back and wait for the bubble to burst, despite the lack of play from anyone else at the table.

Horrific decision #2 - Pick a spot to steal or re-steal, stop and go or make a big move, without considering the value of my stack to my opponents.

Both of these are so inter-connected for me, when cards aren't coming my way at this critical time. The blinds are huge and the play zips along pretty fast. Waiting will do nothing but bleed the old stack dry, that's for certain. But randomly picking a spot because of what I think is the tight image I've been showing, is what's getting me into even bigger trouble at the tables. My thought process has been all about me and what "I should" look like to the others at the table.

*CLICK* goes the light switch!

Yeah I know! Everyone but me, already knows this! Believe me! I would never in a million years, try to discuss NLHE strategy with any of you, from the teachers perspective. I'm just hashing this thought process out, with my own inner demons. I've discussed it with myself and I've broken down all of the data from finishes, HH's and in particular, situations during and actual holdings, during my final table miss bust out hands.

My problem is simple! I'm really not taking advantage of the information provided to me, by those players at the table. I'm far too busy worrying about what they should be thinking of me. I'm totally being narcissistic, at a time where I should be paying more attention to others and their actions than anything else that goes on.

So Friday I started a little project. I've tried to design a program that is structered to enhance my chances of playing through the bubble, and deeper into the final table. I am going to stick with this stubbornly, until I can show myself that I actually do get what it is that I've been missing! I promise to report back on this, at a future date. Because heaven knows, my little NLHE experiments at the $1, $2 and $3 levels, must keep you all on pins and needles, waiting for he next in a series of, "why the hell does it take him so long to learn crap" reports!


For the record on Friday, I won enough in the four games to change my fishie up to nothing but "tilt" for the first time in at least four months! A second, two fourths and a fifth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.... I know! But come on.... a kid's gotta' start somewhere right?

= = = = = =

The other shift is for The Doc.

Hey brudder....... Have you seen THIS ONE yet?

Are you in line already?

More HERE !

They say it ran the Fiorano test track in 1 minute 17 seconds. UH !!!! That's seven seconds faster than an Enzo ever did it!!!!!

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....