3/12/2009

Frantic Friday : The Tax Audit edition.... (NSFW)

Yeah, it's that time of year here in Bedrock!

Time to gather up all of the information about every penny you were paid, every penny you've invested, every penny you've donated and well hell! You need to be able to show or explain anything about anything, that you had to do with that dirty old thing called money over the previous year.

Time to figure out if you can come out a little bit ahead or not, in the great war that is income tax.

Now typically, the process is pretty straight forward and easy enough, that just about anyone should be able to get through it all by themselves. But of course, this kid just ain't "typical" enough. Several outside influences and a couple of paperwork issues, always tend to make me look rather 'interesting' to the Federal Government. It's to the point now where, I might as well stamp AUDIT ME in bright red letters on the top of every tax return I send in. Yes your lovable Bam-Bam the Benevolent™ (courtesy of PokahDave tyvm!) has been audited by the Federal Government, in each of the last 8 years.

Don't ask!

It always turns up nothing and NO! I am not evading my duty to supply my great Nation, with my fair share of her financial needs. Believe me, I pay quite enough thank you.

But due to the 'interest' of the Federales, I get help. Help that will have to follow up, (and put up) with the endless line of crap that these audits can present for a kid. I simply sign a form, pay and walk away. I also do not have the same person prepare my tax form for me every year. It's always easier, when the sucker doesn't see you coming! Yes.... I actually refer to myself as 'Mr. Smartypants' as I walk out the door, after finalizing things for tax form preparation.

So this year, was supposed to be no different!

Peb's and I went in together last night and had our taxes done.

Now to start with, this year's auditor was kind of nice.

Think :


VERY, VERY NICE !!!!

As in, she could totally have been the feature act for :



The Procedure™ (courtesy of BadBlood tyvm)

This caused some distraction for certain. I mean getting your taxes done, just isn't ever supposed to be :


a day at the Beach! But to make things just a little easier this time around, we had a little eye candy looking all pretty in :


pink, to help us get through the entire process. This part of the whole deal, was VERY +EV indeed!

Now typically when you think about tax time, I think most people will just go ahead and assume the proper :


position, befitting the task at hand. But I don't like to think like that at all. I've managed to balance within about +/- $40.00 every year, for most of the last half dozen years or so anyways. So none of this process ever makes me feel edgy or :


handcuffed, due to the stress. It's just part of the process that has to be done.

During one part of the process last night, the auditor, (did I mention she was seriously HAWT!) got :


all tripped up on something. I couldn't really tell what it was at that point but I can say, I didn't like the look she had on her face. She started clicking and typing and mashing keys on the keyboard, as if she had gone back and :


undone everything that she had already completed.

I didn't know exactly what it all meant, but it certainly didn't look too good. I asked her, "you've got that look that I really don't like to see. Are you about to tell us to put our head's :


down and our asses up?"

She didn't even take the time to giggle. She just suddenly stopped typing and sat back from the screen. There was no immediate look our way, just a blank stare followed up with what I'm pretty sure was the word 'shit,' said just slightly louder than a whisper.

"I don't even think they're going to :


kiss you first either." she said, as she finally took her eyes off of that monitor.

But it wasn't me she was looking at!

"Peb's, how come you haven't had enough taxes taken off of your paycheques all year?" she enquired. "You've gotten yourself into full :


owe the Government position, haven't you?"

This caught us both off guard at first. We had to re-look at absoloutley everything together, to figure it all out. We made sure that we didn't overlook even :


one piece of information.

But :


then it came to us, jumping out of all the paperwork as if it was written in neon ink. The "buy-out" package she was paid from the dump that I am still employed at.

Over that time frame, she took payment in the form of a regular weekly cheque. Since she was already working elsewhere, it was like getting three paycheques every week, instead of just the normal two. We also knew that we would have bought something big and stupid with the cash for sure, if we would've taken it all at once. So it just made more sense. But because of the timing of her departure, (Christmas, nice huh?) the payroll department only calculated the time she had left with the company, as the amount that should be taxable for the entire year. In other words, they failed to deduct about $2500 or so that should have been paid out in taxes.

The good news is, they also forgot to remove her contributions to the C.P.P., (Canada Pension Plan) and U.I., (Unemployment Insurance) so with being paid by two jobs so to speak, she doubled up about $1500 in payments there. Still not perfect, but owing $1000 is ever so slightly better, than owing $2500.

I bet you didn't know that discussing taxes and audits, could ever be this interesting did you? I got a lot of help on the matter, from someone's HAWT WIFE !

**Just because it's a great tune and I don't know how many of you had ever heard of it before, here's the full version of Your Sex is on Fire, by The Kings of Leon.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....

2 comments:

DrewFours said...

Despite the title, your posts actually seem to make Fridays LESS frantic for me.

... just sayin'

The Wife said...

You know, the professionals in our tax department don't look like these "professionals" . . .

Maybe its a Canada thing