10 Step guaranteed* weight loss & Ab building program....

This is NOT an advertisment, but a plan that really and truly will work for anyone!

Warning!!! What you're about to read is the only 100% guaranteed* weight loss and Ab building plan in the world. This plan is NOT for the weak at heart. Always consult your Physician before starting any weight loss or exercise program, particularly one as demanding as this.

Everyone already knows that the real key to losing weight and building that lean mean six-pack of Abs is, a proper diet combined with exercise. There's really no secret in that. But there are little secrets out there that those that sell various diet and exercise programs at a greatly inflated rate, don't want you to know.

Well I'm here to shed a little light on what may soon become the single biggest plan available, to help anyone achieve their goals of losing a little excess weight. All the while, developing those fabulous abs of steel! In my case alone as an example, this program resulted in the loss of 16 unwanted pounds and a much firmer core that is really getting the girls attention!

So here we go....

Step 1) Head out somewhere very public. In my case, I find a Pub full of friends to be just the right location.

Step 2) Find you friends and join in on the fun. Shake everyone's hands and for those really close to your heart, giv'em a big ole' hug and kiss.

This next one is really the key, so give it your full attention!

Step 3) Wait approximately 15 to 20 minutes or so and then listen to your friends very carefully. The key here is that more often than not at this time of year, one or more of your friends will let you in on the secret that actually makes all of this work.

"I've had the Flu so bad."

"Oh man, me too!"

Step 4) Go to bed with those shriveled and wrinkled hands of yours, from all of that washing, and listen to the gurgling of your tummy. Enjoy the feeling and noises that can be produced, as 32 ounces of Orange Juice and half a handful of multi-vitamin tablets, all fight for control of the spot known as your stomach.

Step 5) Wait!

That's right, just wait!

Step 6) In the morning, wake up ready to get hard at the program and shed those ugly pounds. Flat, firm abs are only a few hours away now my friends.

Step 7) As the program starts to take hold of you, don't fight it! Assume a position as comfortable as you can on the toilet. I highly recommend a bucket be placed straight in front of you at all times. If you get enough notice ahead of time, (or if you're a better planner than myself) placing a large jug, (not glass) of water in the washroom with you, is a really good idea as well.

Step 8) Sit there and heave and convulse as hard as you could have ever imagined in your life, until every ounce of anything remaining not of your body, is completely and utterly removed.

Do NOT try to get up until you KNOW that you are done! False confidence here, can lead to a much messier washroom than desired.

Step 9) When you are totally done with Step #8 and feeling far too weak and sore from the program to do anything at all, lay back and rest those weary abs of yours. Unless you are an amazingly fit triathlete or one of those extreme daily workout freaks, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER, AND I MEAN EVER! Take the advice that a little dry toast will help to settle your stomach down.

This will lead directly to a very violent and unbelievably painful repetition of steps 7 through 8. It will NOT be pretty either, trust me on this!

Step 10) As you wake up approximately 24 to 36 hours after hopefully only one full cycle of this program, brush your teeth and gargle as much as you believe necessary to reach the desired affect.

Now your ready to show the world the new you! It'll be a you that's much lighter than pre-program and a brand spanking new you, that now has Abs of steel from the thousands and thousands of forced crunches over that tiny little 24 hour period.

Oh and from all of us here, if you survived this rigorous program, our utmost congratulations on the new you!

*Guaranteed weight loss & Ab building is defined as;
a- you WILL drop every solid or liquid that your body is capable of holding with this program
b- with the shear violence of these involuntary crunches, your Abs will indeed get the workout of their lives.
Individual results may vary.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


What's in a name....

According to the odds, I should get dealt pockets Aces about 1 in 110 times. I know how the math supports this, I just don't seem to be as lucky as some kids when it comes right down to it. Odds also dictate that I will far more often be dealt The Hammer, a whole whack of times in any game I play.

There's also the full gambit of hand names to choose from, that I could see an awful lot more.

KK: Cowboys; King Kong
QQ: Ladies, Whores, Siegfried & Roy
JJ: Fishhooks; hooks
TT: Dimes
99: German Virgin; Barbara Feldon (Get Smart Agent 99)
88: Snowmen; Doggie Balls; Piano Keys
77: Sunset Strip
66: Route 66
55: Speed Limit; Presto
44: Magnum; Sailboats
33: Crabs
22: Ducks
AK: Big Slick; Santa Barbara
AQ: Big Chick; Walking Back to Houston
AJ: Ajax
A8: Dead Man’s hand
KQ suited Marriage
KQ offsuit Mixed Marriage
KJ: Kojak
K9: Fido; Canine; What a Dog
K3: Commander Crab; King Crab
QJ: Maverick
QT: Quint; Varkony
Q7: Computer hand
Q3: Gay Waiter; San Francisco Busboy (queen with a tray)
J5: Motown; Jackson Five
J4: Flat tires (what’s a jack for?)
T5: Woolworth's; Five and Dime
T4: Broderick Crawford; Convoy; Good Buddy
T2: Texas Dolly
98: Oldsmobile
69: Big Lick; Dinner for Two
95: Dolly Parton
92: Montana Banana
76: Union Oil
57: Heinz
45: Jessie James; Jane Russell
38: Raquel Welch
29: Twiggy

Some say that the 9-3 or 39, is supposed to be called the Jack Benny. In reference to his always being 39 years old. I'd like to continue believing that it can really only be called one name going forward, to make it actually mean a little something.

I give you, The Bammer!

I offer you two special games to me, on two seperate Poker clients from just last night.

It seems I actually took 31 screen caps total from these two games. I just figured these few shots alone, would be enough to get the point across. Hand stats say that this would make it 1 in 13 hands on Stars and quite naturally, 1 in 13 exactly over on Tilt.

So long live The Bammer!

But hopefully, in someone elses deck soon please!

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


When life serves a lemon....

This past Saturday January 16th. 2010 right here in Bedrock, it became official and global warming went into full on effect.

Some ran for the hills, for fear of the wash of water from the melting three feet of snow. Snow that had suddenly become compressed down to nothing more than several inches at best. Others simply made calls to family, friends and loved ones. Their glimmer of hope, to at least get a brief chance to say farewell to them all.

Dozens of neighbours could be seen fashioning makeshift watercraft. Their hopes to stay afloat in the impending doom that was sure to be, the flood of the century. They ranged from small rafts to full on cruisers let loose of their trailers, each of them ready to salvage whatever could be saved.

Panic was setting in and one thing was certain, life was truly serving up one gigantic yellow lemon in the sky.

What to do? Oh what ever were we all going to do?

With my glass a little more than half full, I did what seemed the most appropriate thing to do at the time.

I took the opportunity to go ahead and make,

myself a little lemon-aid.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....