1/22/2010

10 Step guaranteed* weight loss & Ab building program....

This is NOT an advertisment, but a plan that really and truly will work for anyone!
~Bam-Bam


Warning!!! What you're about to read is the only 100% guaranteed* weight loss and Ab building plan in the world. This plan is NOT for the weak at heart. Always consult your Physician before starting any weight loss or exercise program, particularly one as demanding as this.

Everyone already knows that the real key to losing weight and building that lean mean six-pack of Abs is, a proper diet combined with exercise. There's really no secret in that. But there are little secrets out there that those that sell various diet and exercise programs at a greatly inflated rate, don't want you to know.

Well I'm here to shed a little light on what may soon become the single biggest plan available, to help anyone achieve their goals of losing a little excess weight. All the while, developing those fabulous abs of steel! In my case alone as an example, this program resulted in the loss of 16 unwanted pounds and a much firmer core that is really getting the girls attention!

So here we go....

Step 1) Head out somewhere very public. In my case, I find a Pub full of friends to be just the right location.

Step 2) Find you friends and join in on the fun. Shake everyone's hands and for those really close to your heart, giv'em a big ole' hug and kiss.

This next one is really the key, so give it your full attention!

Step 3) Wait approximately 15 to 20 minutes or so and then listen to your friends very carefully. The key here is that more often than not at this time of year, one or more of your friends will let you in on the secret that actually makes all of this work.

"I've had the Flu so bad."

"Oh man, me too!"

Step 4) Go to bed with those shriveled and wrinkled hands of yours, from all of that washing, and listen to the gurgling of your tummy. Enjoy the feeling and noises that can be produced, as 32 ounces of Orange Juice and half a handful of multi-vitamin tablets, all fight for control of the spot known as your stomach.

Step 5) Wait!

That's right, just wait!

Step 6) In the morning, wake up ready to get hard at the program and shed those ugly pounds. Flat, firm abs are only a few hours away now my friends.

Step 7) As the program starts to take hold of you, don't fight it! Assume a position as comfortable as you can on the toilet. I highly recommend a bucket be placed straight in front of you at all times. If you get enough notice ahead of time, (or if you're a better planner than myself) placing a large jug, (not glass) of water in the washroom with you, is a really good idea as well.

Step 8) Sit there and heave and convulse as hard as you could have ever imagined in your life, until every ounce of anything remaining not of your body, is completely and utterly removed.

Do NOT try to get up until you KNOW that you are done! False confidence here, can lead to a much messier washroom than desired.

Step 9) When you are totally done with Step #8 and feeling far too weak and sore from the program to do anything at all, lay back and rest those weary abs of yours. Unless you are an amazingly fit triathlete or one of those extreme daily workout freaks, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EVER, AND I MEAN EVER! Take the advice that a little dry toast will help to settle your stomach down.

This will lead directly to a very violent and unbelievably painful repetition of steps 7 through 8. It will NOT be pretty either, trust me on this!

Step 10) As you wake up approximately 24 to 36 hours after hopefully only one full cycle of this program, brush your teeth and gargle as much as you believe necessary to reach the desired affect.

Now your ready to show the world the new you! It'll be a you that's much lighter than pre-program and a brand spanking new you, that now has Abs of steel from the thousands and thousands of forced crunches over that tiny little 24 hour period.

Oh and from all of us here, if you survived this rigorous program, our utmost congratulations on the new you!

*Guaranteed weight loss & Ab building is defined as;
a- you WILL drop every solid or liquid that your body is capable of holding with this program
and
b- with the shear violence of these involuntary crunches, your Abs will indeed get the workout of their lives.
Individual results may vary.


My sincerest thanks for dropping by....

6 comments:

KenP said...

Congratulations!

Your program is so superior to the temporary improvements you get from a Chinese buffet.

BLAARGH! said...

Damn dude, I feel your pain....

Take it from me, do not implement this program on the day you are to leave for mexico for your wife's birthday!

Hope you feel better soon!

BWoP said...

I think I might need to skip this one . . .

Feel betterer!!!

PokahDave said...

I have to admit a frowned look upon my face after not seeing a frantic friday post :-(

The Wife said...

Sorry to hear honey!

Sean D said...

It's like drinking water in Mexico...

Best wishes for a speedy recovery and a well aged whisky in your hand soon sir.