Frantic Friday: The December Diary edition....

It's snowed so much here in Bedrock over the last several weeks, that I had my first opportunity to do my Pope impersonation this morning. What impersonation you ask? I hit real, actual, honest to goodness DRY pavement about 1/2 way to work today. I was so elated, I pulled the Deathmobile over to the shoulder of the road and got out and kissed the ground!

But snow and Winter are a way of life around these parts and learning to make the best of it, is one way that we can define ourselves from the rest of the World.

It never fails that every Winter, I hear the same type of stories from those that are experiencing one of our Bedrock Winters for the very first time.

The latest of those stories comes in the form of a diary, kept by a neighbour new to our parts. He and his Wife had arrived from somewhere around the Florida/Georgia border back in August.

So here is his *DECEMBER DIARY.

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So Romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

We awoke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic Sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a Boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a Disappointment! My neighbour tells me not to worry - we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much Snow by the end of Winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such A nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The Temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realise I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ### on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The Wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but Stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob Says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white #### fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the ####### is lying.

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

6 inches - snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ##### who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 Miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.

Merry ####### Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in! The idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a frickin' idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $2,400 to replace all my pipes.

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The ##### is driving me crazy!!!

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ###. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted and I'm freezing.

Nine inches my ###, woke up to nearly 3 feet of fresh powdery snow. But I finaly did get a little warmth. I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling for me I guess.

*borrowed and adjusted material

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


TRUCKIN' 09....

And the great news just keeps on a coming!

Truckin' - January 2008, Vol. 8, Issue 1

The first issue of the new year.

1. The Mollification the Foul Temptresses by Paul McGuire
The hookers at the Rio were a combination of famished vultures and parched vampires ready to pick apart any carcass. Any john. Any drunk. Anybody in their path. They were evil personified.... More

2. The Orchard by Joe Speaker
I reach for her hand, probing, touching it delicately. We don't form a fist when we come together, nothing like the taut intertwine of fingers you see lovers form, those Gordian knots, unwieldy like a stone fortress. Our fingers hang off each other's loosely, three of mine, two of hers, vice-versa, and they dangle. Spider webs in the wind. Tenuous connection... More

3. Hector by David Peterson
I remember clearly when the cops came and took Hector's mom away. He seemed rather nonplussed by the whole thing as we stood on the curb watching a bedraggled and wild-eyed woman being escorted from her home in cut-off jeans, a loose-fitting white tank top and handcuffs... More

4. Flight #22 to Denial by Sean A. Donahue
Her eyes were black as the night. Her black hair cascaded near her high cheekbones and tanned complexion. Her body wasn't made for sin but for pleasure, and the glasses she wore on her head framed her face perfectly. The only thing that didn't make sense was that it was raining over her head... More

5. Running it Twice by Andrew Moxon
There are, however, certain points of opportunity. Soft places in time, when the cockpit door comes open and we second-timers can take over. That's when things can change. Sometimes, every so often, we walk through that door and start flipping the switches... More

What a Long Strange Trip It's Been...
From the Editor's Laptop:

Welcome back to the first issue of 2009. It's hard to believe that Truckin' began in 2002 and we've come a long way since then. This issue features five stories which includes the debut of Andrew Moxon. The always venerable Joe Speaker returns with a zesty piece titled The Orchard. Sean Donahue is back after a short absence and David Peterson makes a splash in his second consecutive issue. And of course, I share a tale that has been told many times before involving Las Vegas working girls.

Truckin' needs your help with a tinge of grassroots promotion. Please tell your friends about your favorite Truckin' stories. The writers definitely appreciate your support, as do I. Spread the word on your blogs and whatever social networking sites you are currently addicted to.

And as always, please let me know if anyone is interested in being added to the mailing list.

Before I go, I have to give a hearty and sincere thanks to the writers for writing for free. They expose their guts, blood, and soul to the universe. Their dedication inspires me and I hope it inspires you too.

Be good,

"Nothing happens unless first a dream." - Carl Sandburg

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


So Bedrock, you got 10 seconds....

I have two friends that have shared a pretty damn special moment!

Would you, (like all 50 of you! NOT that I'm counting.) do me a favour?

Take the 10 seconds it takes to drop by HERE and wish the new Mommy and Daddy all the best for me.

Two original TuckFards, (Mommy TotalTilt and Daddy NutzFirth) have just brought the latest TuckFard into this world.

And please remember that floppy ears being passed down from generation to generation is strictly a rumour, until proven as a fact.


Welcome to TuckFarded'ness Brody Jason John Firth.

And to my readers,

My sincerest thanks for taking the 10 seconds....

We are all insane. I dare you! Dispute it....

I'd made a comment on BadBlood's post yesterday, about sitting at the Poker table with your spouse. I compared it with one of my personal favorite expressions of all time and said, "Playing Poker with your spouse, (of the non-strip variety) could quite possibly be one of the silliest things we humans ever decided to do. It should fall somewhere right after the guy who said, "Look! A slimy muscly sluggey like thing in a shell! Man! I could so eat that right now."

Don't get me wrong, I love a good slug in some Garlic butter, but to be the very first one?"

Every time I use that expression, it seems to fuel debates on every aspect of the questions involved. Were the pioneers of food as we know it Brilliant, crazy or just hungry enough to try absolutely anything? I personally side with the theory that they were..... completely and utterly insane !!!

If the slimy slug turned French delicacy isn't enough for you, here's a few of my other favorites to back up my case for the looney bin.

So someone walked out into the Ocean and found this thing all stuck onto a rock. There were actually several of them. The things kind of looked like the rock itself, but they were just different enough to peak his/her interest. They plucked it off the rock with great effort and then found what looked like a little crack or something along one edge. "Maybe I can get that opened up and see what's inside. Maybe it's some kind of Sea nut or something." With a terrible amount of work, cut and raw bleeding hands from the edges of this thing, their discovery was a success.

"YUMMY !!! I just have to put that in my mouth!"

Shall I stick with the Sea to keep a theme going for a bit? Yeah, let's go that way for a while. These two also go along with the theme that, it couldn't possibly be any harder to assume that "food" is in the realm of possibility from their first discovery. Not to mention that it couldn't possibly have been any harder to get at that food the very first time as well.

As further evidence of insanity, I ask you to consider the wack jobs that first walked up to and then commenced figuring out how to get these two little goodies, into his/her belly.

On the subject of very popular and delicious Sea items, what the hell was going through the minds of the first ones that just had to fill their cakeholes with this little gem?

or how about this one?

Although I'll drop the Sea favorites because I think I've made a valid arguement with them already, I will present one more water based item for your consideration.

What do you think it took for the first person to discover, that only the Legs are acceptable eating material on this little must have munchy?

What was the mindset of the very first one to walk up and say, "whatever drops out of that things ass, is going to be our Breakfast. Hell, then we'll pull all of those feathers off of it and eat it too!"

Was there nothing at all wrong with the first freak to decide, "I could really go for a dish made up of the sheep’s heart, liver and lungs. I know! I'll stuff it all into its stomach and boil it up nice and tasty like!"

Here's a much more recent one for you. Pretty much everyone on the planet has had some form of Pepper in their lives. I don't know if it's crazy or not to have been the first one to take a bite out of this lovely little vegetable or not. Scary possibly, but compared to all of the other items listed so far, I'll have to give Joe Average Pepper biter a little slack. But there is a Pepper face stuffer that seriously supports my case out there somewhere.

Remember the first time you tried a real Jalapeno?

Sure was a little taste surprise, wasn't it? But it's not even my fellow Jalapeno lover's that have me concerned about our sanity. No, it's the guy that not only wanted to grow the Red Savina Pepper, but couldn't wait to shove it into his gob.

Why you ask? Remember that taste surprise from the Jalapeno? Well think about that and then, consider the following please.

Jalapeno Peppers = 10,000 Scoville Heat Units MAX.
The Red Savina was measured at 325,000 Scoville Heat Units.

That instantly makes me think of another mind boggler. Who the hell came up with this idea first?

It's a farm idea I guess. Could it have been the same guy as the Chicken droppings? Did he just sit there and watch for crap to come out of animals that he figured he could eat? You got me on this one.

I think I'm making an excellent case against the sanity of the human race so, here's my last one for today. You decide please dear reader, what did it take for someone to come up with the idea to eat this?

I rest my case!

Since there's always a very first one to try damn near anything, sanity can not be involved in any part of the Human equation. I have hundreds of other items of evidence against us, perhaps you do too if you really think it out. Since our creation, we Humans have been unequivicably and terminally..... INSANE !

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


Is that really all you've got....

Lying around on the ice, flailing away and hoping for a penalty? Is that REALLY all you've got? We'll take your best shot. BOOOM, here comes the BOOOM, here comes the BOOOOM. We'll take your best shot, BOOOOOOM !!

One game, one Nation....... five in a row!

FIVE !!!!!

You think you're a sports fan, try being Canadian for these last 4 hours.

With any luck at all, I may never be sober again.

Oh.... and Peb's played Poker! Got sucked out on HUGE! Eight times in a row, after showing the best hand each of the 13 of 19 hands she played. She folded J-J to DonKaaa's natch A-A. The very next hand, she let J-J go to Kat's re-raise.

"I guess J-J wasn't meant to be my hand tonight!"

Say it with me, "that's Poker!"

Hockey on the other hand.............



My sincerest thanks for dropping by....

Hockey that matters....

If you even remotely think you like Hockey, I hope you've been watching this.

Without a shadow of a doubt, the best Hockey being played anywhere in the world right now, has been played in this World Junior tournament.

It should only get better tonight too!

Canada vs. Sweden for the Gold Medal at 7:00pm est.

Peb's may play in the TuckFard games tonight, I don't know for certain though. I just know that my ass will be planted in front of the tube, while our Nation's best 17, 18 & 19 year old players, try to win a fifth straight Gold Medal for their country.

After the thrill of the games between Canada and the U.S. on New Year's Eve, and then Canada's impressive victory over the Russians just the other day to get into the Gold Medal game, I can't wait to see what level these incredible young men can take their game to next.

Go Canada Go !!

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


2009, The Molitor existence....

Meeting one of your heroes.... is a pretty exceptional thing. I've been fortunate enough to have met all of mine. "Meeting" meaning, way more than a quick chat and a signature for that picture on the wall.

But meeting one that exceeds every possible expectation, helps define a life you plan to live.... from a life you think you want to live.

Paul was a pure hitter. Not in the Babe way, not in the Geohrig way either. For some, he was not even in the same class as Ted Williams. But Paul hit the ball just the same.

I am who I am, from one sentence uttered at the end of a Brewers game. One sentence, from someone that REALLY understood what it was to live. Someone, that may understand better than anyone I know, what it means to really live.

At the time, he was an incredulous 26 hits away from a record that had stood for an incredibly long time. He was also a phenomenon that had never experienced his full potential. He was not a whole lot more than what he went to bat with every single night however, he was just Paul Molitor.

Paul Molitor is just that, nothing more than Paul Molitor.

"There's two choices each of us need to make. The most important, is to not just exist. The other is to merely exist and get through the day-to-day crap as best we can." he said with the steely glare that could freeze a pitcher faster than any words thrown out at a press conference, prior to the game.

I chose to "hear" those words, spoken as a wisdom handed down from the voice of experience. "From this point on, I will not just exist." I said, as I left County Stadium that night.

Dying is what you can decide that you are doing. Living however, is a choice that you may not even know is right in front of you.

I implore you dear reader, choose wisely!

For dying is inevitable! But living, I mean really living! Is something you'll only ever get one shot at!

I may have thought I'd lived a full life right up until this moment. But moving forward, I may live more than most of you think imaginable. I have no time to lose, no time to reflect. I only have time left. It won't be wasted on misery, nore on reflection.

My time may be wasted in the eyes of those more judgemental than I. But not one moment of my own personal time, will ever be wasted in the pursuit of something less meaningful than living itself.

One freezing cold Wisconsin evening, as the frost had decided to make it's return to County Stadium, one man made me consider the true meaning of life.

"Live or exist! It's really just that simple."

I've always chosen living but for some reason, things start anew today. As they did back a few years ago. My Molitor moment, just may have taken a few year's longer to really sink in, than even he may have expected, as he was trying to teach me.

But teach me he did!

I choose to live! Existing is for the dying.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....