1/07/2009

We are all insane. I dare you! Dispute it....

I'd made a comment on BadBlood's post yesterday, about sitting at the Poker table with your spouse. I compared it with one of my personal favorite expressions of all time and said, "Playing Poker with your spouse, (of the non-strip variety) could quite possibly be one of the silliest things we humans ever decided to do. It should fall somewhere right after the guy who said, "Look! A slimy muscly sluggey like thing in a shell! Man! I could so eat that right now."


Don't get me wrong, I love a good slug in some Garlic butter, but to be the very first one?"

Every time I use that expression, it seems to fuel debates on every aspect of the questions involved. Were the pioneers of food as we know it Brilliant, crazy or just hungry enough to try absolutely anything? I personally side with the theory that they were..... completely and utterly insane !!!

If the slimy slug turned French delicacy isn't enough for you, here's a few of my other favorites to back up my case for the looney bin.

So someone walked out into the Ocean and found this thing all stuck onto a rock. There were actually several of them. The things kind of looked like the rock itself, but they were just different enough to peak his/her interest. They plucked it off the rock with great effort and then found what looked like a little crack or something along one edge. "Maybe I can get that opened up and see what's inside. Maybe it's some kind of Sea nut or something." With a terrible amount of work, cut and raw bleeding hands from the edges of this thing, their discovery was a success.


"YUMMY !!! I just have to put that in my mouth!"

Shall I stick with the Sea to keep a theme going for a bit? Yeah, let's go that way for a while. These two also go along with the theme that, it couldn't possibly be any harder to assume that "food" is in the realm of possibility from their first discovery. Not to mention that it couldn't possibly have been any harder to get at that food the very first time as well.

As further evidence of insanity, I ask you to consider the wack jobs that first walked up to and then commenced figuring out how to get these two little goodies, into his/her belly.



On the subject of very popular and delicious Sea items, what the hell was going through the minds of the first ones that just had to fill their cakeholes with this little gem?


or how about this one?


Although I'll drop the Sea favorites because I think I've made a valid arguement with them already, I will present one more water based item for your consideration.

What do you think it took for the first person to discover, that only the Legs are acceptable eating material on this little must have munchy?


What was the mindset of the very first one to walk up and say, "whatever drops out of that things ass, is going to be our Breakfast. Hell, then we'll pull all of those feathers off of it and eat it too!"


Was there nothing at all wrong with the first freak to decide, "I could really go for a dish made up of the sheep’s heart, liver and lungs. I know! I'll stuff it all into its stomach and boil it up nice and tasty like!"


Here's a much more recent one for you. Pretty much everyone on the planet has had some form of Pepper in their lives. I don't know if it's crazy or not to have been the first one to take a bite out of this lovely little vegetable or not. Scary possibly, but compared to all of the other items listed so far, I'll have to give Joe Average Pepper biter a little slack. But there is a Pepper face stuffer that seriously supports my case out there somewhere.

Remember the first time you tried a real Jalapeno?


Sure was a little taste surprise, wasn't it? But it's not even my fellow Jalapeno lover's that have me concerned about our sanity. No, it's the guy that not only wanted to grow the Red Savina Pepper, but couldn't wait to shove it into his gob.


Why you ask? Remember that taste surprise from the Jalapeno? Well think about that and then, consider the following please.

Jalapeno Peppers = 10,000 Scoville Heat Units MAX.
The Red Savina was measured at 325,000 Scoville Heat Units.

That instantly makes me think of another mind boggler. Who the hell came up with this idea first?


It's a farm idea I guess. Could it have been the same guy as the Chicken droppings? Did he just sit there and watch for crap to come out of animals that he figured he could eat? You got me on this one.

I think I'm making an excellent case against the sanity of the human race so, here's my last one for today. You decide please dear reader, what did it take for someone to come up with the idea to eat this?


I rest my case!

Since there's always a very first one to try damn near anything, sanity can not be involved in any part of the Human equation. I have hundreds of other items of evidence against us, perhaps you do too if you really think it out. Since our creation, we Humans have been unequivicably and terminally..... INSANE !

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....

9 comments:

Riggstad said...

See you got it all wrong here.

All of the items you mention were tried as food items out of necessity. Not insanity.

Necessity drives a human, and a sane one at that, to find new ways to fulfill those needs.

Some poor peasant who didnt pay his taxes was driven into the woods to escaoe his execution. He saw a frog on day one, and thought, "Man I'm hungry, but there's no way I am eating that thing. Never!" Day 7 rolls around and the dude has no choice. The frog actually looks appetizing to him. Three years later, he gets back into civililzation and goes on a camping trip.

He catches a frog and one of his mates says, "you aren't going to eat that shit are you???" Only the legs brother, only the legs!

Next thing you know, it spreads like wild fire and thousands of frogs start to disappear.

The lobster could have been different. Maybe a neanderthal got pinched by one, and got so pissed off he cracked him open as if to say "take that you fuck!". Then, because he wasn't satisfied with death, he threw him in the fire as if to say "HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW???!!!"... Then he saw some clear stuff that turned into white stuff after being on the flames for a while. He was still jammed up so he took that out and pissed on it. Then finally feeling satisfied he walked away.

Ten minutes later, the village idiot walks by and sees something on the ground that looks edible. He picks it up and tastes it.

Turns out the first guys piss tasted like butter because he was drinking alot of goats milk, because he saw the lambs sucking on the ewes, so He figured, "whats good for the goose, right?" Plus he was curious and thirsty.

Next thing you know, everyone is fishing for lobster and pissing on the meat after its cooked.

Of course they evolve and become more civilized so the pissing stops and they go straight to butter. Because they're smart now and well, who needs a middle man?

Ok I'm done. I could keep going though :)

Wolfshead said...

Actually you may be right about the lobster Riggs but I would like to know what character declared it a delicacy. At one time it was considered trash food and was served to prisoners in New England who complained that they were being treated cruelly because they were being fed so much of it.

Sam Mickelson said...

I agree with above posters. Basically what you have here is a case of starve or die necessity driving this experimentation. There are books about this. Written by people like esteemed anthropoligists.

Sam Mickelson said...

I agree with above posters. Basically what you have here is a case of starve or die necessity driving this experimentation. There are books about this. Written by people like esteemed anthropoligists.

Riggstad said...

It's all relative Wolfie!

New England has nothing but Lobster. So for them, its trash food.

Just like chicken shit is a delicacy in India.

BamBam said...

So what you're all saying, (in the context of this post) if you choose to sit at the Poker table with your spouse, it was NOT because you were temporarily insane as you were making the decision, it was because we're all whipped!

I don't think I personally can go along with that. So I'll wait until ya'll get it right, then I'll enjoy it when it becomes the delacacy we can all crave.

Therefore I say, the first time I sat at a table with Peb's, I must have been out of my mind! Matter of fact, I still find myself thinking that way, every single time!

;)

Oh and Sam, I'd like to say my sincerest thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment over here.

But about this "necessity driving this experimentation and the books about this. Written by people like esteemed anthropoligists."

I simply give you the grass is always greener philosophy. Some think a Cow, Horse or Goat always sticks it's head through the fence, 'cause it's shittin' on the inside of the fence. WAY WRONG! Just like mankind, it's the greed of destroying everything in our surroundings, then having to stretch ourselves out to survive.

Thirst for knowledge has long been a great cover for, we used it all up and now we need another source.

Can someone PLEASE help me down off this huge pedestal now!

:)

The Wife said...

More appropriately . . . sitting at the poker table with your wife is . . . well, about as crazy as thinking its a good idea to teach your wife to golf.

Wolfshead said...

Actually, if you sit at a poker table with spouse/significant other you aren't temporarily insane, you're full blown figgin nuts

kurokitty said...

lol very nice post.