Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, EH !

For Pauly, Al, Carson and Riggstad.

"You always know right before they come around! It's that uuuuuhhh, scent." Riggs said as the first of many made their way up into our private little EH-fternoon shift sanctuary. While AL, Riggstad, Brudder Carson and I all strategically picked our seating locations for what we'd hoped to be the EH-Procedure leading up to the game that night. Riggs was funnily enough to me, the one that looked out of place. Picking the worst spot possible as far as the action and probably even worse, the bar! Riggs had found a temporary home for the EH-fternoon and loved it. Al on the other hand, proved to be the seasoned veteran and ensured himself the best seat in the house. Bar within reach and stage within view. Carson was next. Being one of the most intelligent person's I know on this planet, (ignore what he does at the tables! That's the 'other' Carson that comes out in him) Carson chose the seat immediately to Al's left. The 'almost' best seat in the house. I on the other hand, decided that the best of all three worlds was required. A seat that had the flexibility to not only reach the bar, but to get the attention of the lovely bar-maid at the drop of a G-string, while still having full contact with the EH-fternoon shift up on stage. I also wanted to make sure that I was not wasting a single minute of conversation with my fellow procedurites, that EH-fternoon. Despite Al's obvious talent for selection, I picked the best seat in the house. The best of all three worlds was mine with a bonus. I had the Riggs entertainment factor. Seconds before one of the EH-fternoon shift girls plopped herself high up on Riggs lap, he leaned forward and said to me, "You always know right before they come around! It's that uuuuuhhh, scent." This all came back to me today, upon my return home from the business trip from hell. 19 customers in Montreal, in a whirlwind total of 70 hours.

The trip home from one of these phenomenal ordeals is an oxy-moron paralleled only possibly by, Government Worker. I mean, on one hand you are so elated to be headed in the right direction. But on the other, it's still travel and it's still a pain in the ass. You know that it's a great thing for sure, but you also are fully cognisant that whatever can go wrong probably will. I was fortunate this particular trip home. I had made it all the way to my seat on the plane and was comfortably tilting my head for the little drift off that I could feel heading my way. I don't know what it is about air travel? If I'm lucky on a regular night, I'll put in a solid 2 or 3 hours sleep and be totally satisfied that I did my best. Get me on a plane however, and I seem to be able to get to sleep before it's fully boarded and I manage to awaken just before touchdown. It doesn't usually matter if the flight is 40 minutes or 4 hours. I seem to be capable of crashing for the exact right amount of time. This flight seemed to be right on track, but then I could hear my buddy Riggs. "You always know right before they come around! It's that uuuuuhhh, scent."

The bag hit the chair beside me first. And by "hit" I mean, it was one of the "carry-ons" that had no chance in hell of fitting into two of those size checking units they put right out in front of the boarding area, let alone one. "Sorry, could I ask for some help here?" came from beside me in a clearly New England, (if not Bostonian) Eastern Seaboard kind of way. I got up and helped make room for the luggage in the overhead cabinet. Taking my seat as I brushed ever so lightly beside my new seat companion, I could here old Riggstad again, "You always know right before they come around! It's that uuuuuhhh, scent." It certainly was "the" scent I was familiar with! That Avon and Mary Kay discover that Armani meets baby-powder kinda smell of confusion and sex, all at the same time. Probably different for everyone I'm sure, but that is how it comes across to me.

"Gay or too successful?" was how my new companion chose to introduce herself. I sat back for a second or two, trying to fathom how any of either applied to my helping her with her luggage. "No ring!" she she barked, before I could compose the right response. I gazed down at my left hand, as if I needed to re-affirm that there was indeed no ring present. Before I could look back in her direction, "It's ok if you're gay to me you know. I'm Bi. I can never make up my damn mind anymore. One day it's the guy I'm with, the next day some bitch will light a fire under my ass, that makes me positive, that I'll never switch sides again." I smiled in her general direction and fained acknowledgment of what I'd just taken in. "Really?" was what apparently wanted to come out of my mouth at the time. "So which one hun?" she asked abruptly. "Gay or successful?" I had to ask her why there were only two options. It just seemed so restrictive to someone in my situation.

"Hun, you're hot. I know because I was so happy to be sitting beside you, I got a little damp if you know what I mean. But then I saw no ring and thought shit! Why are they all gay? she said with a completely straight face while staring directly into my eyes.

"I can assure you my dear, I am definitely not gay. I have a lovely wife at home, and women will always be the flavour of choice for yours truly." I said, making sure to stare right back into those uniquely too close, but awfully bright blue eyes of hers.

Here is the remainder of the conversation that took place, before we even left the ground.

"Listen. You ever been a member of the mile high club uh, what's your name hun?"

"Mark and I can't tell you that! You could be FAA, heh!"

"Wanna join it with me? Only $300."

"Great offer, but no thanks."

"Come on. I could use a little something you know? I've been working Montreal for a month and all the guy's were a drag. OK, $200."

"Why didn't you switch to the girls?"

"Oh I did honey and they were great! But now I need a little outey not an inney, you follow? OK.... $150.)

"So the girls were good huh? You like red-heads, blondes or brunettes?"

"Buddy! Sorry, Mark. Let's get this going. I could use the fun."

"I figure after a month of working in Montreal, you shouldn't need the cash!"

"Well it's my daughter see. She's a deaf mute that needs a lot of care because she's been beaten by her father. She's not really retarded, but she is a little slow. I strip to pay for her to get better. That's the only reason..... I sware."

"You strip in Montreal, to take care of your daughter in Boston is it?"


"Who's taking care of her now? Hopefully not her father!"

"A friend. My mother would do it for sure if she was here. But, I need some cash to bring her over from Senegal. She's in a bad way over there. Bringing her here would make a world of difference, in both our lives. All three of ours actually!"

"I guess so. I hope that works out for you all."

"You ain't gonna let me do it to you are you?"

"Let's just say I don't think so darlin'. Not this time."

"Why didn't you just say you were gay! Then I could'a been workin' someone else that would pay for it you bastard!"

"That would have been a lie. Don't you like honest guy's?"

"I like guy's that pay me. Then I like'em just fine. Don't talk to me anymore."

And with that, my eyes closed and I drifted off into the wonderment that is air-travel sleep. Well, right after I switched my wallet over to my left front pocket of course! But it was a funny dream I had during that flight. All I can remember from it was, a field full of rabbits and that smell that I'd been warned about on a cool but sunny Saturday EH-fternoon. Two things seem to remain constant as time slips away into eternity.

"You always know right before they come around! It's that uuuuuhhh, scent." and, there's always an ulterior motive related to a mother or child, for every single one of them out there.

God bless the EH-fternoon shift!

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


You say hello, while I say Bonjour....

Yahoo! I've managed to steal a few minutes away from a particularly boring meeting here in Montreal. I know, I know! How can a meeting with a room full of french customers be boring, when everyone knows that they will not allow themselves to be brought down to the lowest possible level required, by speaking any English at all the entire time? heh! For the record, mad french people make me laugh! It's totally a Monty Python thing I get in my head as they try to accentuate the discussions to get a point across. They can say what ever they want and do it as loud as they see fit. But all I manage to hear is, "I fart in your general direction." That's just me and I have no issues living with it!

The Math on Monday was some damn good poker by yours truly if I do say so myself. It's about time I was able to put a little skill together with a few decent hands to work with at the same time. Nothing like quads and monster boats mind you, more like actually getting paid off when holding the best hands and even having a few great hands, actually hold on for the win despite my opponent actually having one and two outers! Weeeeeeeeee! Take that RNG !

After running the entire HH, I was crushed by the two outer river play that took me out in 6th. place at first. But only because I lost. I soon came back to reality and realized that I want that player to make that call, every single time I play him. I will win more than 90% of the hands we play together while he's using his "I have to call there" logic. Notes made and proper thrashing plans laid!

Pebbles never left my side all throughout that game and we discussed the hand being played, proper addition of notes based on certain plays and pretty much anything else we wanted to talk about. I think her being there was a factor in me keeping a little more focused on actual play. She's been running pretty damn hot right now and I can tell you I had ears fully perked and at the ready, whenever she had an opinion on the play at hand. Now all I have to do is, convince her to live with 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night, 5 or 6 times a week and I should be good to run these things over!

Cool !

Well, I need to get back to another meeting where I won't understand a thing that is being said at all. I may not roll so excellemont right now! But I can still do my best to fart in their general direction. I'll start giggling to myself, right at the point where I think Drizz would be proud. Small things amuse small minds!

Merci Boucoupe and my sincerest thanks for dropping by....


On a plane in 41/2 hours, and so damn close....

Special thanks to Donkette, Mini, ANIguy, Surf, Zeem, Paulie and even Waffles!
No time to link, I apologize. I have a plane to catch at 6:03am.

I really need to thank Pebbles! Sitting by your side tonight was by far, the best thing that could happen to an old slug like me. I love you!!!

'cept for the rivered bust out, AGAIN !!!! 't'was the 2nd best $26 I've ever spent !

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


Dial-a-shots and how many aces in a deck....

First things first. Another one of us has suffered a great loss. I’d appreciate it if you could take a second to stop by HERE and offer your thoughts and prayers.


Saturday poker ended up being Let-it-Ride again, as the poker room was even more morbid feeling than it was on Wednesday night. I just can’t bring myself to sit down in that atmosphere and let it suck out any enjoyment that I was hoping to get out of playing poker. I’ve come to the conclusion that Rama’s poker room, just isn’t the spot for me.

Moving on to Let-it-Ride, we had a good old fashioned +EV day at the table with Peb’s bringing home $105 and me making just a little more at $135. To add to the good day, we started up a new table with 2 other couples and had a great time chatting it up and hooting and hollering about some big wins. The pit boss Judy was a scream and would barely leave our table for fear of missing in on all the fun. Now that’s what I want out of a day at the tables. Add on the fact that Judy comped us our dinner for making it such a good day at work for her, and I have to say that it was just a perfect example of how to have a fun time at a casino.

We thought long and hard about all of our friends getting together in PA. Based on all of the preliminary trip reports I’ve read and the dial-a-shot calls received over the weekend, it sure sounds like we missed one hell of a time. We heard from Kat, Riggs, Donkette and everyone else in the background. Then I got the extra special treat, of actually getting to talk with my blogger crush, minidonk. It was a little loud in the background for both of us, as the TuckFard crew were in pretty good form at “The Carsino” for week #5 of our season long battle, as everyone in PA was seemingly at Donkette's place, having a cocktail or two! It was fantastic to have heard from everybody, and I can’t thank you all enough for getting in touch. It was great to be a little piece of the action when I felt so bad about not being able to make it.

Saturday nights TuckFard game went pretty well over all, as I was very happy with my play. I managed to get maximum chips out of solid hands and made a couple of steals along the way as well. As we broke down to final table, I was getting that, “I’m gonna’ win tonight” feeling of confidence within me. I like that, I like that a lot! I was beginning to think that it was going to be another one of those nights, where I take chips off of everybody in rather small amounts, but never really win any big pots or bust them out of the game. Then Suzy_Q made her move into the pot while I was holding the Asian-Jew. Her raise was not enough to hurt my stack and it had the feel of an “any ace” will do here situation for her. I made the call and found myself to be just slightly ahead of her A-10. I managed to hold on and had finally taken a player out. It wasn’t that easy of a call to be honest, but I was happy to see that I’d made the correct read after working out the possibilities once again. I ended up going out of the game in fourth. Once again as it seems to happen so often, I ran a suited big slick into Pebbles pair of “ones.” This is the third time she’s managed to draw pocket Aces against me and taken me down with them. Carson almost has me convinced to fold no matter what, if Peb’s and I end up in a hand together ever again. (almost!) My girl went on to take the thing down for her second win of the season and a dominating points lead, going into the final week before the championship game. As always, I’m pissed that I went out against her, but I am proud of the way that she’s played this season.

Yesterday was supposed to be “Team TuckFard” poker at the hall for me, but a funny thing happened after our team breakfast. Pulling out of the parking lot on our way to the game, I had such a shooting pain in my gut, I just knew I had to get home. I was worried that it was a touch of food poisoning or something, specially since Pebbles and I ate the exact same thing. I don’t know exactly what it was to be honest, but it hurt like hell for about two hours, and then I felt just fine. I was in no shape to play and sent Pebbles on her way by herself. The team really needed her to play, in particular because of how well she has been playing of late. Of course she didn’t disappoint! Another solid 3rd place from her and all the points that go along with it. I haven’t yet heard from everyone else, but it sounds like we had another fairly low point total from yesterday’s results. Peb’s said that brudder Carson and DonKaaa were both out pretty early. Sounds like we’ll have to pick up our play a notch, if we want to keep our lead on the field and make the trip to Vegas in June.

I’m out of words but even more importantly, out of time for now. I’ll be spending the rest of the week in Montrealrock on a business trip and I need to get some stuff cleaned up around here before I go. Have a great week all and remember to be good to the Easter Bunny!

My sincerest thanks for dropping by….