I'm the biggest DONKEY, just ask them ...

Actual conversation in the girly chat on FullTilt at 8:43pm Friday Jan. 4, 2008.

Doofus #1: Ur an a s s
Donkey #1 : Stop playing with us
Doofus #2 : Yeah like we believe U
BamBamCan : seriously… I have 10c-2s….nothing
Dealer: Doofus #1 folds
Dealer: Donkey #1 folds
Dealer : Doofus #2 folds
Dealer : BamBamCan shows 10c-2s
Dealer : BamBamCan wins the pot of 1850 with 10 high
Donkey #1 : aaaaaarrrrgh !!!!

***Authors note***

To understand this little “Waffle-esque”™ rant that’s about to happen, there needs to be a little set up. Peb’s and I had dinner at Fred and Wilma’s last night. Pebbles brings up poker on line and that got ‘ol twinkle toes all fired up. Fred was about to become an on-line threat to us all at the age of 1,000,076. We fired up the box, downloaded everything and got him set up. Beware out there invisibles, he’s on the loose ! Fred plays live games but is not exactly uh, ‘puter savvy let’s say. I figure the best way to teach him how to use the program is to actually watch a game being played. So I log in and look for a game. I sit down at a $1 SnG and off we go.

From here on out……….. it’s too insane to believe. With all due respect Kat, you may have created the “Therapy”™ that we all need once a week, but I think I’ve found the cure!

I sit down and politely type in, Hi all ! Sorry for what’s about to happen with the play here, I am trying to teach my 76 yr old father in law how to use the Tilt program. I'll try not to be a P.I.T.A.

Doofus #1: yeah right
Donkey #1 : sure
Doofus #2 : Hah-hah
Donkey #2 : sure right

And so begins the tale of the biggest table of losers and pathetic fuckin’ excuses for poker players I have ever had the privilege of sitting down with. As I’m going through each step with Fred and explaining the buttons, the system and timing etc.. He says, “you’re getting dealt crap.” Pebbles who is sitting beside us the whole time say’s, “welcome to Bam-Bam’s world.” ( I love the support she offers !) Anywho, I say to Fred, “the cards are not important here Fred. You know how to play poker, I just want to teach you the system and methods here, so you can play on-line.” I follow that up with, “just pick a hand you want to play, and we’ll go from there.”

Fred wants to know how to bet. We get dealt ducks and he say’s, “they’re not bad.” (typical) I fire a bet of 3x while UTG and to only Fred’s surprise, all 8 others call. The board naturally pairs and offers my third deuce. (because that’s how Tilt rolls when I don’t give a shit)

BamBamCan : sry guys.. I don’t want to ruin your game I hit the boat with ducks.
Doofus #1: F U a s s (note… I like this guy!)
Donkey #1 : sure
Doofus #2 : yeah
Donkey #2 : you’ll love my raise then huh?

Donkey #2 goes all-in and it is folded around to me.

Donkey #2 : F’d U for sure huh
BamBamCan : seriously dude, I’m teaching and I don’t want to mess this up for U
Donkey #2 : then call and gimme ur chips
BamBamCan : wtf ? I told you I have a boat.
Donkey #2 : F U

I called and Donkey #2 goes out with big slick. I get treated to the longest fucking, moronic and idiotic chat in the history of poker, about my pathetic play no less, by Donkey #2.

BamBamCan : Folks I promise. I will let you know what I hold when I play.
BamBamCan : I just want to teach and will step out of the way if good.
Doofus #1: F U a s s (note… oh the originality)
Donkey #1 : yeah totally F U
Doofus #2 : A S S !!!!!

Wow, the fucking Neanderthal is yelling at me. OH-NO, whatever shall I do?
I get dealt aces about 3 hands later.

BamBamCan : don’t do it Doofus! Pocket A’s
Doofus #2 : seriously F U !

Doofus #2 goes all in and Fred say’s, “call the little fucker.” I tell him that we’re not there to win this time and it just wouldn’t be right screwing around with them.

Doofus #2 : F U bam and F U again hahhahahahah.

I call. I managed to beat his A-4 off suit somehow and Doofus #2 is gone. And so ensues another beauty rant in chat about how much I suck.

We get down to 4 players and I have a monster stack. One of the players has not said anything in chat except nh. He’s only said nh to me. No one else. I like this guy and decide that he is who I’ll donate to for the rest of the night. The other two are non stop berating my ass for taking their chips. I am really late for the Donkament and need to get going. I get 10 – 2 and have my buddy and Donkey #1 in the pot.

BamBamCan : I have 10-2
Donkey #1 : A S S
Buddy : K

The board comes Kd-10s-2h.

BamBamCan : why does this never happen when I care what I’m doing? Lol
Donkey #1 : F U


I held up to my word and announced every single time I was in a hand. The entire game. I get to 3 handed play in a 9 player SnG and they know what I'm playing.
What a fucking riot !

So it’s me, Buddy and Donkey #3 and I have 80% of the chips in play. My Buddy manages to truly cripple Donkey #3 with a flopped straight and he has a commanding lead over Donkey #3. I figure this is my cue.

BamBamCan : vnh buddy. It should be yours now.
Buddy : ty, gl to father in law!
Donkey #3 : U R a f k n s h it
BamBamCan : Please come and find me @ a $5 or $10 table…pretty please?

Dealer : Donkey #3 is all in with 10-3
Dealer : Buddy is all-in with 10-10
Dealer : BamBamCan has logged off and finishes in 3rd place for $1.80

Buddy was a nice person. He was the type of player I was worried about screwing around with. But I needed to play a cash SnG as that’s what Fred will be playing. The Donkey’s are some of the best and fastest typers I have ever witnessed in my life. But as for poker, it’s obvious to me why these fucktards are the great typers that they are, THEY GET A LOT OF FUCKING PRACTICE!

So we drive back to the cave like animals posessed so I can get into the Donkament before break. Just made it and I quadruple up the first hand I play. The chat is awsome and I have my man GCoX25 with me for the fun. What could be better. I am low stack but who cares. After break, I get dealt A-A and I decide it's time to play my
3rd. hand of the game. Of course I'm out when Jetzm hits his Q-Q and it's over.
Like Kat say's, what did I do to anger the poker god's?

I railed brudder Carson for the rest of the night. Just so he'd comment here!

My sincerest thanks for dropping by….


That Roosters lucky ....

I lost all of my grandparents at far too young of an age. All for various different reasons, and all before I could get to “really” know them. I have small memories I can hang on to, but as I get ever older myself, I tend to have to work a little harder to pull them out of the grey matter at times.

But I clearly remember that it was “Betty’s” Dad, (my Grandfather) that I remember hearing it from first. It was back in the day when food actually had to be grown and/or raised if you wanted to eat. None of this, ‘import every type of food product known to mankind and fill the stores so local farming isn’t needed anymore’ crap of today. So that’s what my Grandfather did, he grew food and lots of it. He was an everything Farmer. Summer crops, various meat and dairy products and he also ran one of the largest Hothouse operations through the Winter months. As we walked near the front entrance of that same Hothouse after coming in from what I remember as a ‘Tractor ride,’ Grandpa pointed over at something moving along the edge of the glass structure and said, “That Roosters lucky.” We never discussed it any further and I’ll never know what his true meaning behind the statement really was. I was a small child and my Grandpa told me the Rooster was lucky. So I did what every child would do in the same situation. Every time I saw that Rooster after that moment I said, “Hi Lucky.”

A few decades later, Pebbles and I were playing a round of golf in the Dominican Rock-Public and it was there I would hear it again. I had hit a tee shot on a long par 5 that couldn’t have been much better for how I tend to hit the ball. As it made it’s way down to the fairway, I was feeling very good about my chances of getting on the green in two from there. As it made contact with the ground, my ball shot straight out to the left and flew directly towards one of the beautiful properties lining the course. These houses are incredible seasonal villas for the Canadians and Americans that have come to love this area of the Dominican for what it really is, a paradise with some of the friendliest people on Earth as hosts. As my ball careened across the property line dividing the course from the villa, it suddenly shot back out towards the fairway. Almost as fast as it had headed into danger, it headed right back out to safety again. As I made my way up the fairway, I found the culprit that started this whole mess in the first place. I managed to hit a 2” round piece of pipe serving as a sprinkler head, from about 250 yards away. I’d found my ball, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t completely destroy whatever had kicked it back out for me. It was as I approached the property line that I saw it. I thought about my Grandfather for a moment and then “Hi Lucky” I said to the Rooster, as it scratched at the ground. There was a gentleman doing some pool work in the yard. I asked if I had hit anything important and was told no. The ball caught the edge of the concrete around the pool deck and I was very relieved. As I went back to take my next shot, I naturally said, “see you later Lucky” as we crossed paths again. I had hit a decent shot and still managed to get on in two when I heard, “That Roosters lucky.” It was the pool worker. I laughed and smiled and wished him all the best of the day.

At the WBPT Winter gathering, it became more of a fun theme than anything else. But the statement was always the same. “That Roosters lucky.” Just prior to the poker I had saddled up at the Venetian sports book bar with several others. The bartender looked past me and said “Corona?” “Dos Equis” I believe was the reply from just behind me. I turned and said, “that would make you The Rooster then. Hi, I’m Bam-Bam.” We had an all too brief discussion as The Rooster was whisked away by another crowd on some type of naturally degenerate mission. As I looked up at the largest screen in the room, I noticed that in race #2, cockadoodledoo was in the 2 spot at 5:1. Omen? Karma? Luck? I chose all of the above and put $10 on it to win. Now you need to know, I know nothing about and hardly ever bet on horse racing. It hit !
I made my mind up right than and there, “That Roosters lucky,” I actually said out loud. We all know he went on to win the whole enchilada too, but there’s lots out there to tell you way better stories about that than this kid can. I do know that he had to have some luck to take the event down, but everyone who has won anything like this, has had to have a little luck going their way. So I am positive that his skill also played a huge factor in the win and that he is a very deserving champion.

I’ve already told my stories of epic luck-box-ery proportions while having Pauly by my side at the tables. However, I’ve been remiss in mentioning the back-to-back-to-back sets of trips I hit while The Rooster stopped by for our last handshake and farewell. “That Roosters lucky” I said to anyone who’d listen, and I didn’t mean because of ‘his’ big win either. Had the Rooster even accidentally bumped into the table that day, I was ready to bet the farm on the “spin-the-wheel-like-a-Donkey game for sure. I just know it woulda’ hit for me.
‘Cause “That Roosters lucky.”

I’ve always had a thing for Roosters since that first day with my Grandfather. After that weekend in Vegas and all of our communication since, it’s gotten even a little stronger. I think Roosters rule !

I think you might like our Kitchen Joaquin! It’s looked like this for years. But every once in a while when I go into it now, the first thing I think about isn’t my Grandfather or the Golf game in the Dominican. It’s a friend I made and look forward to seeing again.

Here's just a few sample pics for you.

- This is the welcoming committee... To keep all who enter lucky.

- Gotta keep the Scotch lucky right?

- I guess these guy's are keeping Pebbles booze lucky too !

As always, I highly recommend you stop by HERE for this months Truckin'

My sincerest thanks for dropping by ....


Welcome to 2008 Bam-Bam ....

I spend at least $11 and more often than not, $22+ every week to be with the IIF's in my community. I gladly register, knowing that I'll be once again competing in a classic game of "Texas Race'em." Typically, I could care less about the outcome, as long as I get to see(?) some good friends and have some great chat. I've budgeted a certain amount of disposable funds into the roll for at least a once a week visit with the kids. It's just how I roll. I always want to win of course, but given the range of hands being played in some of these games, a win can be a coin toss or a skilled move depending on the situation. My recent second place finish just before Christmas in the Riverchasers event, is clear testament to that. I got lucky on a hand that I needed to, and lost huge on a hand while way ahead. That can define the game of "race'em" in a nutshell. 'IT' happens and we move on.

When I heard about Chad's Blogger Skills Series idea, I became concerned that I'd have to lose one of my "friendly" games to get involved with his plan. But the more I thought about his idea to step outside the realm of the standard N.L.R.Em, the less concerned I found myself about missing one game a week. The idea was brilliant and it seemed to be attracting interest from the same players that I try and hook up with once a week if I can. Unlike some out there, I can't do 3 or 4 of these things a week. I'm at the office by 6:30 am everyday, and the 9:00 to 10:00 pm starts every night can take a serious toll on this kid.

But there was one thing I know for sure...

Brilliant idea + friends + poker = +EV for Bam-Bam no matter what the start time.
Thanks for dreaming it up Chad!

The game was Limit 7 Card Stud High. A personal favorite, as the majority of Bedrock locals all know. Not for any other reason than it takes a great deal of concentration and awareness of your ever changing holdings. Focus for me can be a challenge at the best of times. Add in a few "Glen's" and a great cigar and normally, I'll donk off my chips as I get too bored to play. But that's "race'em." Give me a game where not paying attention can kill you instantly and, there's a good chance I'll get to show you I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. My 'Card-Dead' slump is not exactly over. Outside of two hands I can recall in particular last night, nothing magic appeared to make me win with "the nutz" as some might expect. The two hands mentioned were quite simple really. I nut flushed Kat early on in the proceedings and had the best part of the hand in the hole. Then in a fairly decent pot with Miami Don midway, he opted to fold out before getting the chance to see my quad's. That was really it. Two hands of note as far as monsters go. The rest was just simple old 7 card stud.

Knowing what's on the board for everyone and how those cards can affect not only your own holdings, but the hands of everyone else still involved, is the real key to 7 high stud. So I paid attention. As an example, there were about 11 instances where I could be fairly confident that the player coming at me with a raise, were doing so with apparent draws to either the flush or straight. In all but one of these cases, I managed to take down decent sized pots by knowing that they were drawing relatively dead.(based on known cards that had been folded) In the other that I lost, I managed to control things to a "small-ball" pot just in case.

I'm not an expert and I can't say stellar play got me the big win. I do think that I did a better job of paying attention than some folks last night though, and I feel that this made a huge difference in the outcome. After such a bad run for the last 3 months or so, I'll take it and be damn proud of it.

One thing that will never change and I'll be proud to tell everyone that listens...

Bam-Bam won the very first event in the Blogger Skill Series.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....


It might be possible..... that now, I've seen it all....

At an advanced age, (as noted by Pauly himself.. thank you very much!) I've seen a lot of things in this world of poker. I've played in one format or another and at several different levels of buy-in for a little over 30 years. I'm certainly no Johnny Hughes, Dr. Pauly or Ignatious. I am merely, exactly what I am. I am a player of some sorts, that has come and gone within the poker community in one form or another, for three decades.

Having said I've seen a few things, seems a bit contrite compared to some of the stories that are offered up here in our invisible realm of poker blogdem. A truly great read, is always only a "click" away. Today however, well today I think I can say that I have officially seen it all in the game we love to hate, or that loves to hate us.

There will be better posts about the "Team TuckFard" results in our local challenge for an ultimate trip to Vegas for the WSOP. Pebbles and I both finished fourth at our tables. (We have some serious card dead issues and keep running moves into the Nutz with complete and utter Dis-regard) My favorite pair 'O' T's went on for a dominating win, and Carson improved his record with another runner up finish. Points wise, we're in a dominating situation as a team. DonKaaaaa had an off day when his nutz kept on getting busted by crap. My man Nutzy came off his "EH Cup Weekend" win last night and subbed in for another team. His solid third place finish shows why he's atop the individual leader board standings. And yes, you read that right! We loaned out our top points getter to another team. That's just how "real" TuckFards roll kids.

Back to the seen it all part though. In 3 orbits of the table that I had drawn for today's challenge, I was privy to the ultimate in displays of card rackedness that most likely, will never be repeated in my lifetime. As I said, this happened in just under 3 orbits of a 9 player table.

The format : starting stacks of $150,000 and the blinds are at $1000 / $2000.

In these 3 orbits of the table, the "card rack" had a little over $650,000 in chips sitting in her stack. Here is just a small sample of how she got there.

Hand 1 : Her pocket 3's hit quad's on the flop.
Hand 2 : Her 4-5o in a limped BB, managed to turn into a boat on the flop.
Hand 3 : Her pocket 10's that were up against pocket A's and Pocket K's, quaded up while a boat showed on the board.
Hand 1,000,000 : Her pocket 7's were once again delivered into Quad'em, against two made straights.

This player hit quads three times in less than an hour. Seven, (count'em!) seven Full Houses in that same hour. At least trips on every hand she played and oh yeah! she played every hand for the first 63 minutes. People continually paid her off, (not yours truly!) on every single hand. She did not take advantage of that fact and simply called, and called and called, over and over again with her made nutz. Had she understood anything at all about the game, the two of us would have been heads up in about an hour. Instead she just kept flipping up her cards at the end and saying, "sorry."

Having been un-believeably card dead for a running three months now, this was hard to bear witness to. But in some typically morbid poker deviant way, it was fun to watch as well. She may not have known much about the game, ("I think this is the 5th. time I've played holding-them poker" the exact quote!!) it was fun watching the donkey's and the solid players at my table hit uber-tilt in 30 minutes or less. It made for an entertaining but bizarre first hour.

But this is not the hard part of our pokery-goodness story here everyone. There's a downside too! If you can grasp the concept of one player increasing their starting stack by over 4x in the first hour of a game made for a little play and action, try and wrap your head around this! At the end of exactly one more orbit of the table, she had a mere $41,000 in chips sitting in her stack in front of her. This 63 minute card rack phenomenon came to a crashing end and her pocket A's were cracked not once, but three times in one orbit! The better her cards were in the hole, the more she lost in the hand. Then despite the fact that she still had 4 BB's laying there in her stack, she felt "desperate" and "needed to do something to make it up." What's a girl to do? Why not push it all in with the 3 and 5 of spades? She gets FOUR callers and takes it down with the straight flush. (NAT !) This was a good pot and built her stack back up a bit. The problem is, "it just isn't enough yet" after having such a big lead at the start. Another push and two more callers. Why they would not have known she had the monster 7-9 sooooooooooted and felt the need to call with mere pocket K's and some measly pocket Q's was beyond me. I can't quite comprehend how they must have felt when the three 9's came on the flop. My gut hurt and I had not played a hand with her as of yet. Just to add an exclamation point, the turn provided a 7 and the river brought another. Has anyone out there ever seen anyone hit quad's and trips to back it up, in the same hand???

I think I can now say, I have seen it all. Unless it's me in that position, I certainly hope so.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by ....

Half assed live blogging the "EH Cup weekend"

This should be easy... the games been over for almost an hour now.

The TuckFards held a pre-pre-pre-pre "EH-Vegas" game tonight and almost no Tuck's showed up. The guest's of honour were PokerTart, Bankwell and Purrrrrrr.
(There is a C.B.G.C picture soon to come! I love my job!)
Representing the Tucks were, NutzFirth, (my favorite pair of T's) TotalTilt, SpikeyMikey, DonKaaaaaaaaaaaa, QueenKaaaaaaaaaa, (our host) Carson, (the hostess with the mostess) Suzy_Q, Pebbles and your's truly. We expected a few more players, but we'd have to do.

There will be better post's about the actual game. I just want to say thanks to my darling Kat, Banky and the ever lovely PokerTart for making the journey North, to have a little fun. With friends like you, I'll never have to worry about anything again, in this lifetime. I can't wait to do this again in "EH-Vegas." I actually think one of us might take the whole thing down.

Cards for me tonight kind of sucked. The best pots I took all night were the worst hands I had. (I can live with that) To finish where I did, was the best result I could have imagined. Congrats to Nutzy, for taking the whole mess down. And a special congrats to our PokerTart for such a great runner up finish. I think I bubbled both the "big" game and the "other" game, but at least I wasn't the "Gigli" right Bankwell? I had to say that. The bugger took me out of the cash game when I was a full 1.3233344455544433% ahead. LOL ! (I looked it up !) It was great for all of you to make the trip. I can't wait until we do it again.

I do have one suggestion though.......... OK...... maybe two.

1) When we call Sir Al for a dial-a-shot, let's actually get him on the line so I don't have to do a three-peat.
2) When Pauly calls to dial-a-shot with us, let's not hand me the phone as I'm gagging on another Grand Marnier. You know, "have another Bam-Bam, it's Pauly for crying out loud."
That will never work for either of us alright!

Other than that, it was a great night. I drink Scotch! Any Glen will do....
OK !!


I do have to say however that I'm just a touch dissapointed....

I had 48 visitors yesterday, about average.
I see only "The Rooster" and "perticellis plunder" said hi to The Doc.

I think we can do a little bit better than that, don't you?

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....
(but if you were here, wouldn't that still be better than being in Iraq?)