10/27/2008

A lot going on in Youranus....

This is Part II, here’s where you can find Part I if so desired.

Fair warning, this may be PG 13 “butt,”

“In the end,” please remember that the sole intention of all information you are about to read is nothing, “butt” humour!

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As earlier promised, I’ve managed to take a really good look at Youranus. It’s time to let you all in on the good news. Youranus is good to go! We’ve crammed a lot into Youranus over the last few months, but we really think you’ll appreciate the extra effort we’ve put into it.

Firstly, the traveler’s welcome centers turned out WAY bigger and better than I thought possible. I think it’s safe to say that once visitors are done in our information centers, they’ll be dying to get into Youranus! And did you notice I said, “centers?” That’s right, there’s one at each entrance into Town! Now visitors to Youranus can learn all about it as they enter, no matter what direction they are approaching Youranus from. How cool is that!

Our crack team of marketing geniuses, have managed to attract dozen’s of the World’s industry giants to town. As originally planned, KY has entered Youranus and all seems to be going incredibly smooth from the get go. They also hooked on to the right people over at Hershey’s and seriously, what a coo that was! Knowing that they were looking for someplace to set up their largest production facility to date, our guy’s went out and sealed the deal! Of course it was only natural to rename the extension coming up from the South, The Hershey Highway and I’ll tell you what, we were damn proud to do it too!

Sticking with industry, I just can’t say enough about how happy I am that the Mercedes-Benz family of companies has come to town. Their facility is the perfect fit for our environmental plans for Youranus. This plant will be setting up for production of the SMART car. Once the really ramp up and start pounding them out, look for a lot of SMART’s in Youranus. You can ignore the rumour that production of a second car the FART, could be coming to Youranus too. I have it on pretty good authority from some reliable inside sources, that no one in the organization is at all excited about FARTs coming from Youranus. Apparently there are some emissions issues.

Still another major employer in the region, will be the fine folks from Wonder. It’s reported that once the facility is up and running, 70% of the nations Whole Wheat bread will be produced right here. Amazing! I’m told it’s an incredibly good source of fibre too and to be honest, that alone has got Youranus pretty darn excited.

Lastly, but definitely not the least, the SourPatch Kids candy factory is up and running at full potential. If you look around town, you can really tell too. That’s right; Youranus has been puckering ever since.

The Casino has been such a huge success. With screams of “PAI GOW” emanating throughout the halls, as players constantly feel like they’ve hit the jackpot in Youranus. To no ones great surprise, the line-ups at some of the games can be pretty darn long. Just the other day as I was sitting at a table, I noticed they were lined up two and three deep. I think we’ll have to open up a few more tables in the future, as it seems everyone wants to Let-it-Ride in Youranus. Surprisingly, (to me anyways) the Texas hold’Em tables are incredibly popular down there. Apparently it’s a big game with the younger lad’s, as they take a buddy down to Youranus and play Hold’Em together. I’m really not sure that I get it, but if that’s how the younger generation rolls, who am I to say there’s anything wrong with it?

With that I think I can almost complete the latest update on Youranus, except for a quick note from myself. As the guardian, Mayor and remember, the first ever visitor to Youranus, I’d like to remind you to try and do your best to keep Youranus a little cleaner. Please remember our motto at all times and do what you can to prevent anyone from having to see any crap around Youranus.

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On the Poker front, the TuckFard games go once again this evening and there is a rumour with some pretty strong evidence to support it, that we just may be joined at the tables by none other than Fred tonight! So watch out for the handle, “BarBill” and say hey if he actually decides to join in on the fun. As always the NLHE game runs at 7:00pm EST on Fulltilt and our HORSE game, starts shortly after at 8:00pm. The password for both is donkey.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by….

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was excited about tonights game... now I'm EXCITED about tonight game!!!!

SirFWALGMan said...

Are all your jokes as tired and old as you are? :P.

muhctim said...

To quote another greatly under-appreciated cartoon actor "That's naaaasty."- Cleveland Brown (Family Guy)

Nick said...

And I thought Chicago was the windy city...