My kind of town ***Update***....

Maybe PG 13 'butt,'

'In the end,' please remember that the sole intention of all information you are about to read is nothing, 'butt' humour!

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As we are want to do during long road trips or at least lengthy travel times, Pebbles and I got into another one of those great discussions on our way down to PA. I honestly don’t remember how we got started on the subject at all but eventually Peb’s blurts out,

“What would you name your own town?”

I told her I would have to consider all of my options appropriately, before I could give her the correct answer. So we drove on just a little further until she gives me that quizzical look and say’s,

“What frickin’ options?”

I said I’d need a fun name, a name that wasn’t already taken and one that had all of the marketing strategies already built in to it. I looked over to find her staring at me with the all too familiar, “you’re an idiot.” look on her face. ( Yes! I get that a lot )

“Youranus!” I said.
“Uranus? What about it?” Peb’s asked.

I explained that I did not say Uranus, I said Youranus and that this would be the perfect name for my little town. I mean come on! Based solely on the marketing prospects for my town of Youranus, I would expect to make my first million within about 5 or 6 months. I mean seriously, give this some thought. Hell! T-shirt sales from garbage pit alone would be worth that I’d think! Can you picture the shirt?

“I was checking out Youranus, ‘till I saw a nasty dump.”

Of course, we’d have to set up a traveler’s welcome center to provide all of the pertinent information about Youranus. But I think once we started to get Youranus out there for everyone to see, they’ll start packing into Youranus at an incredible rate. I mean I think eventually of course, some will just want to slip into Youranus for a quick in and out. But there will be others that will surely want to hang around in Youranus until they’re either too tired to do so anymore, or they’ve just run out of things to do in Youranus. Some of course, will become homebodies. These ones will spend the vast majority of their lives in Youranus, staying faithful and true to their one true love. To them, it’s all about Youranus.

We’ll have to attract the professions of course, if we’re going to make anything out of Youranus. I’d like to think proctology might get to be a really big thing in Youranus. You know what? I think it would be a good fit. Then there’s also that pretty big rumour that the folks over at KY are looking for a new place to build a production facility. I bet they’d just love to slip into Youranus. Then with a slogan as good as “Packing Youranus, night after night!,” I’d like to think our concert hall would be able to draw some of the greatest performers from all over the world.

We’d get nothing but the best in Police services, I can tell you that. Hell, who wouldn’t want to serve and protect Youranus? And a military base would be just the perfect compliment to my little town as well because let’s face it, once I get‘em to Youranus, the Army would definitely want to be all that they can be! I’d of course also fully legalize gambling activities as well. I mean since I fully intend to Let it Ride in Youranus, I certainly see no reason to put an end to any other Youranus poker. A little Poker in Youranus is definitely something I am willing to get behind. I personally do not want to see craps in Youranus, but there might be those out there that are into that kind of thing, so we’ll just see how that goes. For those of you all worried that ‘there’s something missing here,’ fret not my friends! As always, the slots will be around front. You’ll see me there as often as possible don’t worry. You’ll be able to easily recognize me when I’m playing up front there, I’ll be the one pushing the buttons only. I NEVER play the ones with the thing you have to pull!!!

Marketing the golf course would take a little extra strategy of course. Perhaps a special feature could be that when you’re playing a round in Youranus, you’re always playing the back 9? We’ll also need to attract a sports medicine specialist of course, because I picture Youranus seeing a lot of activities that will take great physical demand and dexterity. We’ll need to make sure we’re keeping everyone that hangs around Youranus, nice and healthy. Oh and I’ll personally hand pick the crew that’s going to always help keep Youranus clean. If there’s one thing I just won’t tolerate, it’s a bunch of crap all over Youranus. I’ll make it my solemn oath right now, I personally will inspect Youranus every single day! I won’t rest until I’m satisfied that anyone else looking at Youranus for the first time, would just want to unpack their junk and move right in.

Like anything these days, it’s going to be all about the proper marketing of course. We’ll need Shirts, hats, beer coolies etc.. etc.. etc… All with slogans appropriate enough to sell.

“I had a great time in Youranus last night.”
“I did it in Youranus.”
“Yeah, that’s me in Youranus.”
“Ask me what I saw in Youranus.”
“Thanks for that night in Youranus.”
And of course,
“Youranus, where we Liqour up front and Poker in the rear.”

Although it’s really important to keep very positive about the prospects for, and my vision of Youranus, I also realize that it’s equally important to consider any downsides as well. For so very many health reasons alone, Youranus sadly cannot be going at it 24/7. Youranus will just have to schedule certain downtimes for rest, recuperation and of course, frequent cleanings. We might even have to consider hiring a few extra bodies, to take care of our Youranus clean & scrub divisions. But I think the additional help would be well worth it in the end. I like to think of this as a much more positive factor, rather than the negative that some would have you believe it to be. I ask you to consider this. We could create a little planned downtime for Youranus and keep everyone away for a little while. Then when they finally get to return to Youranus, it will feel every bit as special as that very first time they popped in.

So what do you think? I personally see a lot of potential for Youranus! But if you think I’ve forgotten anything critical to the over all experience that is Youranus, drop me a line. I’d gladly review any ideas anyone has. That is, if they think they can heighten my experience with Youranus of course.

***update*** (courtesy of some IM's and the odd e-mail here and there)

Actual conversation I just had with Peb's.

Me = Hey hun, Youranus seems to be a big hit with the gang!
Peb's = Excuse me!
Me = Youranus! There's lot's of interest in it I guess. Theres been some comments about Youranus and the IM's about Youranus have been great!
Peb's = You're an ass!
Me = But honey, I told you in the car that I was going to post about Youranus.
Peb's = Who the hell reads this drivel?
Me = The BBT crowd hun!
Peb's = Oh well then, BOOOOOOOOOOOM, Choo-Choo and weeeeeeee to them!!

And so it started, the second in a series of very serious strategies for marketing Youranus. Pebbles did a quick check of the leaderboard and discovered, with 443 runners and a small $5 markup, we should be able to make a cool $2200 for our first collectible from Youranus.

The official shirt of the BBT, "Yeah I BOOOOOOOOOMED you in Youranus." Who wouldn't want one? This could be followed up with the "What's that in Youranus, a Chooo-Chooo?" Tee, and we'd be able to back both up with the soon to be popular, "I didn't go Weeeeeeeee in Youranus" cap and Tee.

For some reason, Hershey's has also shown great interest in Youranus. There's been calls from two other very large corporations, namely Sheik Condoms and FHM magazine. It all looks pretty promising for Youranus if you ask me. We were a little dissapointed that KFC pulled out all of their marketing, something about it conflicting with their corporate image and "Finger Lickin' good." This prompted us to pursue Wendy's and the "hot and juicy" campaign for Youranus. As well as the Lifesavers brand and their "Hole in the middle" business strategy. Both are extremely interested in the potential growth of Youranus.

There's always the struggle with the corporate image and marketing strategies involved in the local sports franchises. We're thinking Youranus "Pumpers" for the local school football and baseball teams for sure!

The cheers of;
I'm a Pumper, he's a Pumper, let's go Pumper, weeee should Pumper, wouldn't you like to be a Pumper too! would surely ring through the stadium with a resounding ROOOOOOAAAAR ! as the games played on.

But the pro hockey franchise would have to be something pretty special. Initial thoughts were leaning towards the, "Youranus Fire." We could possibly go after Taco Bell to help us with the building of the arena, of course allowing them to appropriately name it, "The ring of fire" arena.

I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself here, but there's just something special about Youranus. I seem to be getting drawn in deeper and deeper, not un-like a moth to a flame. I just can't seem to get my mind off Youranus! I'll tell you, with me involved, the potential for Youranus seems so incredible.

Just think about the bloggers moving into to town! It would be incredible I think. Who wouldn't want to WAM in Youranus? Bayne would probably be one of the first to get there, although he may just struggle with Youranus at first. One day you may just look back and see Big Mike in Youranus. Wouldn't that be something special? Of course, I can't believe ANIguy would want to live anywhere else, can you? The possibilities seem endless! The home games once everyone moves into Youranus, would probably be something we'd be able to talk about for weeks on end. So who's it going to be? Who's ready to step up to the plate? Who's going to be the first one to say, "I'm so ready for a game in Youranus."


My sincerest thanks for dropping by….