Because inquiring bloggers, want to know....

After a great deal of contemplation and some serious thought on the matter, I decided to do a post on The FullTilt RNG. This was no easy task. There was reading to do. Lots and lots of reading!

Of all of the stories out there, one was this beauty by "The LongShot." Then switching over to Omaha, I checked out these two from Snakster and Chad. There are others, DOZENS of them! If you read any of my friends over to the right there, you're likely to see several references to the RNG on a daily basis. Full boats being busted by rivered Quads. The ever popular flopped wheel getting crushed to a rivered straight to the 6. My personal favorite in the STUD games, the case card suck out! It all leads to Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... and it goes on and on.
As for Chad and Snakster, with STUD as my game and RAZZ being of interest, I can tell you I am dealt wrapped up Kings in RAZZ, way more times than I am in STUD. Ask Carson, he knows this to be true.

Well like I said, after much deliberation and some serious thought into the possible re-percussions, (should this secret get out) I am going to go ahead with a post about the truth behind the Fulltilt RNG. Surely I'll be damned in Hell for letting this little kitty out of the bag, but I say I was headed there most likely anyways. Years as a degenerate gambler, a Scotch fetish that is apparently insatiable and pre-marital sex with Pebbles probably sealed my fate, way ahead of this little news scoop.

The secret is simple. Rob, Neil and Gary. That's it!

To think that the RNG is some super computer that randomly generates numbers to be applied to the appropriate hand at the appropriate time is well, naive at best. It's farcical actually. I mean grow up kids! A super computer? It would take nothing for someone else to come up with an un-detectable super computer of their own to defeat the system completely. I mean really????

Nope, it's a way simpler than that. In a little room tucked deep in the bowels of a FullTilt office somewhere, sit Rob, Neil and Gary. Each of them taking turns at a hand in play and deciding the ultimate fate of those of us who dare try and play the game. How else can you explain the increase of severity of the beats. First of all, they have annual reviews like everyone else. They have to out-do each other! Competition amongst co-workers has long been a successful business strategy for upper management. Secondly, how do you explain that the worst of all of the suck-outs happen regularly on the Thursday through Sunday run? Bet you can't, can you? Of course not. Not with the super-computer theory you hold so dear. Think about it! Surely with the cash FullTilts upper management makes on us every week, they can afford to slip out early on a Friday to get the weekend started on the right foot. They check in on things, bark some commands and off they go for a quick 18 holes with the others from the office.

I can see it now.

Neil : "Hey Rob?"
Rob : "Sup Neil?"
Neil : "That's it. The last of them just left the underground parking."
Gary : "You sure?"
Rob : "Yeah. Remember a couple weeks ago when that graphics guy was still here?"
Neil : "No way guy's. Honest! I just saw each one leave."
Gary : "So that's where you were! I had to let this guy over here catch Quads!"
Neil : "Nice! Nothing better than that in Omaha."
Gary : "It was in NLHE you Jack Ace!"
Neil : "Oh shit! Sorry man. I figured if I saw them all leave for the day, we could get to these a little faster." 'Psssst......Psssst.....Psssst.' "Here you go boy's."
Rob : "Thanks man. Aaaaaaaaaah, I've been thinking about this beer all day."
Neil : "Me too and don't worry, We've got enough for the whole weekend."
Gary : "Here. Here's the Vodka, Gin and RedBulls."

Is this all starting to make more sense to everyone now? Give it some serious thought. A room in the control of three very talented computer geeks, getting paid to make us lose, all the while having knowledge of the game of poker and getting shit-faced over the weekend. Seriously, give it some thought and maybe partake in a beverage yourself. I've found as I write this, it all gets much clearer as I put myself a little closer to what their mindset would be.

About at the end of beer #1, Aces are getting cracked on a regular basis around the world. As they start beer #2, they realize that they'd better turn on "hand-tracker," for without evidence of their superior mastery of all things bad-beatable, they will surely get the same Turkey for Christmas and 3% pay increase this year, as the losers out there in the office counting FTP's and pricing stress balls. As they near the end of beer #2, they are starting to go on full tilt, (where'd you THINK it got its name from?) about nothing but a lousy 14lb. Turkey as a Christmas bonus last year. This has them right where they need to be to succeed. In control of our destiny, while pissed at the company and getting pissed on the booze.

Neil : "Hey! Where the hell's that Vodka?"

Ahhhhh mixing alcohol 101 has started to kick in. You know the drill, anger and hostility has started to vent its way out of the system, happy, giggly, stupid, funny guy is starting to come out and play. It's always at about this point of the night, just as they realize that they have a Vodka in one hand and a beer in the other, they also notice some incredible pots being dragged in by players. This is their cue to get back on the job. As these slightly high and happy pranksters return to work, you'll start to see the "funny" beats as they like to call them.

Hole Cards
Bum 1 = 3s-7s
Bum 2 = As-Ks
Bum 1 = calls
Bum 2 = checks
Flop = 4s-6s-5c
Bum 1 = checks
Bum 2 = bets $400
Bum 1 = has 15 secs. to act
Bum 1 = Raises to $1200
Bum 2 = has 15 secs. to act
Bum 2 = calls
Turn = 9s
Bum 1 = Checks
Bum 2 = has 15 secs. to act
Bum 2 bets $2890 and is all in
Bum 1 = has 15 secs. to act
Bum 1 = has requested time
Bum 1 = bets $2875 and is all-in
Dealer = Un-called bet of $15 returned to Bum 2.
Bum 2 = Shows As-Ks for a flush A high
Bum 1 = Shows 3s-7s for a flush 9 high
River = 5s
Bum 2 = shows As-Ks for a flush A high
Bum 1 = Shows 3s-7s for a straight flush 7 high
Dealer History =
Bum 2 = shows As-Ks for a flush A high. Loses and has $15 left
Bum 1 = Shows 3s-7s for a straight flush 7 high and wins the pot of millions!
Dealer = Three guys in a small room are ROTFL while spilling beers and Vodka.

(This is why you never turn off dealer chat!)

Now having spilt alcohol all over everything from their little escapades, they need to get busy cleaning up. That is when you should too. While they are distracted by the beer in the keyboard, make plays with good cards. Watch what happens! They'll hold almost every time. This is a very short window though so attack at will if you're holding the nuts. But be forewarned, they do not do a great job of cleaning up, (read drunk men) and it won't last long.

Later on in the evening, you can always tell when it's time to relieve themselves of the liquid intake. It starts with you being able to hold on or get there in a race or two. Obviously, they have figured that if they take these breaks one at a time, nothing too bad will happen. Then suddenly, you'll be ahead and stay ahead in a race where one or more opponents are all-in. This is when the "beer-pressure" is greater or equal too the "fear-pressure." At least two of them are out of the room at the same time. Again, this is a short window of opportunity for you the player. Get your chips in when they're good. You have a reasonable chance, (call it 90-10) that your A-A will out run that K-K you are up against. Should you be caught by the last of the three guy's in the room, who is pissed that the others are taking so long and actually and literally pissed to the gills and wants to lighten the load. All I can say is, put yourself in his shoes. What would you do?

Everything from this point forward, is just a gamble. Since they are now pissed at each other, pissed at the Turkey for Christmas, pissed at the company for such a crap raise, pissed at the managers who all went to the fuckin' Country Club at noon today and 100%, with no shadow of a doubt, pissed to the gills and falling down drunk, if you choose to play on-line now, I say good luck! This is the real reason they call it gambling.

Now that you know that it's not some super computer at all, and in fact just three guys having a good time at work and trying to make ends meet to support their families, doesn't it make you feel like you can take that next bad beat, just a little bit better?

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....