All three of you that read here know, I'm no Greek and my name's not Jimmy. Then there's that OTHER fact, I-AM-NOT-A-GEEK!
So putting odds to a bunch of degenerates sitting down to play a little two card lottery called NLHE, ought to be right up my alley right?
Luckbox thought he'd challenge the gang to a little three person last longer bet, at our Winter Classic gathering coming up in a few days or so. I figured what the hell! Someone has to lay odds on the teams that have been entered in the thing so far.
Why not me?
So here we go!
Team Up For Poker (but mostly Frolf) - Otis, G-Rob & The Luckbox
On paper alone, this team seems to be capable of standing up to the best of us! But then again, they are counting on Otis being able to stand up. Not a guarantee as we all know. There's also the Caesar's Palace thing going on. You know! The air rammed in at hyper-sonic speeds and a ventilation system un-equaled anywhere else on the strip. Poor G-Rob stands no chance when it comes to cards, while having to worry so much about "the do." I am a touch worried about The Luckbox though! I've heard he'll be accompanied by the lovely "Lady Luck" this time around and lord knows if I understand the power of anything, it's having that special someone behind you!
Let's lay 777 - 1 on this team.
= = = =
Team Wheelchair - Drizz, AlCantHang & Milwaukee Steve
A drunk, a drunk and a drunker! Face it folks if there's one thing I do know, it's how to hang with the drunk kids! This team smells of alcohol and river cards! BEWARE! If it wasn't for the multiple Cap'n Cokes and the thought of The Wife in a purple thong, hmmmmmmmmmmm.........
What was I saying again?
Oh yeah, Drizz! The dealer will only be giving him two cards instead of the usual four so right off the bat, this dudes playing at only 50%! Then there's the fact that Caesar's hasn't carried SoCo behind any of it's bars since Cher left to find out who the hell "Chas" Bono was. Let's face it, Al is fucked!
It's the Beer drinking cheese curd eater that we all need to watch out for I think.
Blood Alcohol Content for this team alone, probably makes them a heavy favourite.
0.51 - 1 and as always, wheelchairs will be standing by.
= = = =
Team Waffles - Waffles, Jordan & The Doc
Right off the bat I'll hold back any comments, at least until the laughter somewhat subsides.
Here's how I see it. Waffles doubles up the very first hand with a standard 3x raise pre-flop. He hits his double gutter on the river after jamming his stack in on the draw, and then realizes he's made an amazing and miraculous cracking of pocket aces. Unfortunately for the team, they happened to be Jordan's aces. The very next hand after being dealt pocket ducks, Waffles can't believe some idiot would call his all-in pre-flop with nothing but pocket 3's. He's left crippled with a starting stack and after not improving on the flop, turn or river on the third hand of the event, Waffles jams his stack in with the hammer and as we all know, that only works for the rest of us!
The crazy part about all this is, no one actually see's The Doc at the event. It appears that his attempt to finally stay awake through a Steel Panther show on Friday night, seems to have gotten the best of the old fellow!
33 1/3 - 1
= = = =
Team Gambling Tales - Falstaff, Special K & Mr's Falstaff
SRSLY! MRS. FRIGGIN' FALSTAFF!
I guess Phil Ivey was busy huh?
OK so Falstaff starts taking notes on a hand. That turns into a Pulitzer prize winning novel and when all is said and done he just smirks and say's, "Hey! We've all had to make our Choices right?" Unfortunately for team Gambling Tales, Special K ends up being "that guy." A flopped set of ladies will be no match for the player making "a move." I just pray it's not my move when it happens! The lovely Mrs. Falstaff damn near conquers all and quite naturally, final tables this be-yatch!
666 - 13
= = = =
Team Just a Girl - F-Train, CK & The Wife
This ones really quite easy, as they just never really get off the ground. Once of course the captain is found to be quite hetrosexual and in fact, kind of into Women of the Asian persuasion. The first ever "red-card" in Poker is thrown down at the start, leaving Team Just a Girl down to only two players. CK and The Wife continue to limp and raise pre-flop despite getting no action, leaving only the blinds being shoved their way by the dealers. They both eventually blind out saying, "MEN! Can't live without them, can't kill them!"
69 - 1
= = = =
Team Tao of Pot - Pauly, Derek & Change 100
Despite making a valiant effort in this match, eventually the blind structure ensures that there will be two 4:20's in this here tournament. The blinds just eat away at them like the munchies. Their stacks might as well have been the pretzels on the hooker bar at The Rio. Who knows what they're really made of, but everyone's had their hands in them.
4:20 - 1
= = = =
As far as I know right now, that leaves us with one final team registered.
Team Canada - Fuel, Schaubs & Bam-Bam
In an attempt to find something bloggable, (by his standards) Fuel jams Presto an unprecidented 55 times throughout the event. Un-effing-believably, it holds EVERY single time! With cries of jubilation ringing across the Poker room of "Presto is GOLD!" this gets our lad quite deep into the game. Schaubs on the other hand, is much more methodical in his approach to reaching the final table. Breaking the event down into an 18 hole format, our Schwabbles makes a Tiger'esque putt in the form of a case card King on the river, after running his pocket Kings into pocket Aces late in the event. This flopped set over set huge pot win, propels Schaubs to final table with the chip lead. From there, Schaubs just takes the remaining players, "one hole at a time."
This leaves yours truly, the one true wildcard in the entire event! In an attempt to throw me of my fold, fold, fold, fold game, several degenerates come up with a plan to send the young Asian Cocktail Waitress with the man made cleavage my way. Totally distracted and unable to actually think about what it is I'm doing, I miss-read several hands quite pathetically, only to find my Ace high is good enough to take down the pots. The evil plan gets altered accordingly and the hawt Redhead working at the front of the room, is sent to my table next. Nearly over the top with excitment at the sight of those luscious red curls and the near perfect ass that goes with them, I make the mistake of the tourney with only twenty one players remaining. In a move to tip the little cutie, I inadvertantly topple my largest stack over the line and into the pot. "Raise" I hear the dealer say. Once I realize the error that has just occured, I don't even look at my hole cards when two players with short stacks go all-in.
We'll just have to see how that works out for me the day of, as I'd hate to ruin the surprise for anyone that's going to be there. Including me!
This team is Canadian and therefore the odds continue to shift. Here's what they've looked like so far.
Gretzky - 1
Crosby - 1
Bourque - 1
Lemieux - 1
Jovanovski - 1
Brodeur - 1
Yzerman - 1
all before settling in at favorites with,
Orr - 1 odds
With numbers like that, I can't say I like anyone elses chances!
As more teams are entered, perhaps we'll take another look at the odds as the event gets closer. Good luck everyone and as always....
My sincerest thanks for dropping by....