No really, go ahead without me....

I’ve found something that is far worse than anything variance can throw at us my dear readers. I seem to have crossed over into a place called Donkeyland.

In Donkeyland, it doesn’t matter what is happening in the hand or how the betting has occurred along the way. Position is nothing more than how your butt feels in the seat at the table and value, is never related to anything to do with poker.

Here in Donkeyland, no raise amount, not even after a raise pre, a check-raised flop and the masterful C bet on the turn, can get a Donkey off his flopped pair of 3’s when there are only three over cards on the board. Yet almost certainly, utilizing the exact same strategy while holding say, pocket 8’s yourself, is guaranteed to get you at least 3 callers. All of whom will naturally be holding the coveted A-rag. In the real world, you’re probably about a 70% favorite before the flop is even dealt. But the odds calculator works entirely different here in Donkeyland. As I check the hand in question, the Donkeyland calculator shows the real percentages that are in play. The 8-8 is drawing completely dead. The Donkeyland odds calculator has factored in that there is still one whole Ace left in the deck, and only two of the other 8’s. I’ve also consulted with Donkeyland’s best selling author, A.T. Cards, and he advises that folding your pocket 8’s immediately after you get three callers is, “uber-advisable.” In his own words, “The three callers is a tell you see. It’s a dead give away that only three of the aces are in play. For heavens sakes man, are you daft? There’s still another entire Ace in the deck!” By the way for those of you that haven’t picked it up yet, A.T.’s book on Hold’em poker strategies and wisdom, “If you were dealt’em, you should play’em Hold’em.” is now available in most of the better bookstores out there.

In Donkeyland, there is never any mercy allowed for making a good play. They frown terribly upon those that start with a good hand and attempt to display strength. But even worse, they freely punish any player with an actual starting hand, who may be attempting to disguise its actual strength. Incidents recently noted here in Donkeyland include but are not limited to, re-donkulously disguised pocket Aces that went on to hit a set on the flop. The coy little check-raise was met with not only the call but of course, the runner-runner K-J to fill out the double gutter for the mighty Q-10 off-suit. Yet flopped straights here in Donkeyland, will always be gobbled up by runner-runner 10’s turn and river. Particularly after a check-raise and all-in announcement being called, by the mighty pocket 10’s UTG.

But if you think good play with good cards is the only way to get the maximum torture out of your visit here in Donkeyland, just wait until you try and make a move on one of your long-eared opponents! You will surely feel the full wrath of the Donkeyland over-lords, as they whisk away your chip stack with Ferrari like speed and agility. Swiftly, nimbly and with the deft skill of a surgeon, these Donkeyland over-lords will ensure you are called by every player at the table, when you decide to make that move. Then as precise as can be they will deliver a flop, that ensures you’ve hit your garbage and keep you in the hand to the end. Then the Donkeyland players will all stare at you in disbelief, as they realize you were trying to play with only top two pair. How is it possible, they’ll all wonder, that you could not see the rivered straight staring you right in the face?

To make matters much, much worse, it starts to get to you and change who you are and how you play. Its misery can seep into your soul, through contact with others that are stuck in its incredibly strong grip. We all know how dearly misery loves company, so Donkeyland does it’s very best to help you adjust and fit in. If you’re not careful, it will have you wielding the mighty hammer as proud as can be. Pocket Ducks will begin to look heaven sent and will command you to raise at least 10x the BB. Big slick will appear to become an even larger monster hand, with only a board of 9-10-J-8 showing.

It’s a relentless and un-yielding bottomless pit of hope turned desperation, this world known as Donkeyland. And I for one have had enough. I was merely looking for the boundaries or border at first, hoping to find my way clear of the grip it seemed to have on what’s left of my mind. Now I find myself merely hoping to see some form of light shining in, so I’ll at least know that there is an end to the tunnel. Getting in here was effortless. I fear getting out, now seems all but impossible. So I am down to my last resort at an attempt to free myself from the grasp of Donkeyland. I am going to just sit here and wait. Wait for what, I don’t know. But I feel that through no action by myself as the Donkeys continue to pass by, has to be infinitely more satisfying than taking or making action, as I sit at the table with a group of them.

So I now advise you all, I’m sitting this one out. Probably the next one, the next one and the one after that too. Hell, I may not ever be back if I can’t break the hold that Donkeyland has firmly on my very soul. But I do know one thing with the utmost of certainty, I’ll be so very much happier as I take my chances just sitting here......... waiting.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by….