12/15/2009

The hooker, the golfer & the laughter....

Friday started like just about any day in Vegas should start. We were sitting at the Denny's just up the road from the IP, waiting for our Slams to arrive and sipping on some really bad coffee. Pretty much par for the course, unless of course you count the hooker sitting next to us.

Words cannot describe the way she was sitting there next to Peb's, in her electric banana yellow mini-dress that was hiked up just above the business end of well... her business I guess! With her hands shaking from whatever self medication she happened to be juiced up on at the moment and the poorly applied make up from the night before practically dripping down her face, there she sat eating the T-Bone Steak & Eggs protein platter. That naturally became an instant conversation starter for yours truly.

"I see you're not getting enough protein in your system lately?" I said as we made our first real eye contact.

"Sign of the times around here." She replied.
"But it's my birthday too, so I thought I deserved some real meat in my mouth for a change." she finished with a chuckle.

Typical for the tourist in most sitting around the general vicinity, the neck snaps as they all looked away in disgust could almost be heard in unison. I on the other hand, wished her a very happy birthday. What the hell right? I figure if you can't garner a little good karma from being nice to a half naked working girl eating breakfast at a Denny's packed with people that are disgusted by her, when can you? But maybe that's just me.

After breakfast, we were scheduled to meet up with our ride out to The Las Vegas National Golf Club. It was finally the day for our inaugural Bloggers, Booze & Balls Golf outing and fortunately for us, F-Train was kind enough to offer us a ride. We would be riding along with DRIZZ and JJOK as well. Besides the hooker, this was a pretty good crowd to start our day off with!

DRIZZ showed up wearing the prescribed khakis that were, "not denim." But all he had on to cover the top portion of his giant frame, was a regular polo like Golf shirt. At a whopping 38 degrees at the time, I thought that this might end up being an issue! F-Train was next to arrive and as a group, the four of us waited for JJ. And waited, and waited, and waited! Joe Speaker arrived in the Valet area, as he was supposed to be meeting Schaubs there as well. So we waited together. And waited, and waited, and waited some more. I went in to make the cattle calls. On the second call to JJ's room, I finally got in touch with him. He was on his way down. Then Speaker got a text from Schaubs, he was headed in the right direction too. We were on our way soon enough, straight down Flamingo Boulevard. Only one issue though, LVNGC is NOT on Flamingo! F-Train's internal GPS, was apparently not reacting well to the cold. Silly thin-blooded locals. :)

The teams had been set and went off the tee as follows;

1) Dr. Chako, his buddy C, Katkin and Astin's pal N.
2) Schaubs, Speaker & Astin's pal M.
3) F-Train, Pebbles, Astin's friend E and J.D.N.
4) Myself, DRIZZ, JJOK and rast minute surprise guest CK, who just managed to make it out for the fun after all!

We each threw $10 into the pot for a winner takes all purse and off we went to Golf. From the early trash talk at the practice range to the banter at the first tee, you could tell that this was going to be a great day for everyone. I can only really talk about our group on the day, but I am hoping for a few stories out of the others when they get the chance.

For team Bam-Bam, one thing remained throughout the entire competition. Holy shit did we laugh! From my rental club tilt brought on by several of the clubs in the bag having different flex shafts, to DRIZZ's nearly hypothermic state for the first 9 holes of play, something always had us in stitches along the way. A lot of the times I was laughing so hard that it hurt, came from Astin, the designated photographer for the day of fun in the sub-arctic conditions. Not many can make me laugh the way Astin does. Sorry to say for him, I just get his sense of humour and timing. That has to be scary for the poor kid!

Moments of hilarity included but were not limited to, CK winning the first closest to the pin contest. Man she stuck it close! But there's an old saying that 'there are no pictures on a scorecard,' so we won't mention exactly HOW the ball ended up that close to the pin. I personally see nothing wrong with utilizing all of the facilities available to you on the course. Maybe that's even why they put that concrete barrier around the pond in the first place? :)

I rode the entire 18 holes with DRIZZ. If you don't find yourself laughing out loud after just 10 minutes with him, you'd best check your pulse my friend. As we approached the 18th. tee, DRIZZ looked over and thanked me for the fun. ME? I replied by telling him how much my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing all along the way. When we arrived at the green for the hole, we were met by Joe Speaker and his great big smile and laugh. That was when I gave Speaker credit for the quote of the weekend so far, despite already having 1000's to choose from.

"What are you laughing at?" He was asked.

"I don't know. There's just something about seeing you that makes me... happy."
~Joe Speaker~ Dec. 11, 2009

It's this kids humble opinion that in that one short sentence, Mr. Speaker manages to sum up what the WPBT is really all about.

This game also had a long drive competition on one of the holes. Something I'm pretty sure that almost everyone was willing to concede to either DRIZZ with his powerful softball rip at the ball, or Schaubs, the designated golfer in the crowd. After a few holes of play, I was also thinking that JJ could fit into the mix for the power hitters in our group. He hit a few a ton! When we got to that particular tee, we saw the long-drive marker being brought back by a cart out in the group ahead. Obviously, they were the first to hit the fairway. DRIZZ's power failed him at the least opportune time, (despite finally buying a coat at the turn!) and JJ, well JJ apparently liked the looks of the other fairway over to the right a lot more. AND I MEAN A LOT MORE! :) I did manage to hit the center of the fairway but with very little roll after it hit the ground. No long drive for me. CK then took her shot at the trophy but sadly, she also came up a bit short. We got to the marker to reveal the name of the biggest power hitter of us all, only to find ourselves rolling on the ground at the thought of getting to use the line, "Don't mess with 130lbs. of fury!" F-Train had bested us all!

There was also another closest to the pin contest held, one that my beautiful wife managed to stick not too far away from the hole. So that left out group in total hysterics, as the three winners were CK, Peb's and F-Train. It was nice to see all of the girls that played, get a prize of some sort! :) Something that did not get wasted on the entire group of us, as CK made the announcements back in the clubhouse. Sitting here typing this, my cheeks are beginning to hurt once again. Holy crap I laughed a lot that day.

The big winners were Team Chako. Although the whole "bring a ringer to golf day" issue, is still under review by the committee. ;) Team Schaubs finished just 2 shots back of Chako's group and Team Bam-Bam, just one shot off of that pace. The power hitting and pin seeking Team F-Train brought up the rear, but seemed to have an awful lot of fun along the way. I think their score may have been attributed to the not one but TWO 20 minute visits with the beer cart. If it wasn't that, it had to be the bad ju-ju they deserved for sending the beer cart away from us, just before we managed to get to it. SAVAGES !

Speaking of the beer cart, I can't begin to tell you what a trooper April was through all of this. It was beyond cold for Vegas and the wind was cutting to say the least. Your support for all of this fun in some pretty crappy conditions, was really quite incredible! The same goes for my friend Astin. He really had no reason to be out there with us at all, yet there he was. All 18 holes and covering all four groups, despite the blueness of his freezing cold hands. (or was that the gloves?) :) I think because of his steadfast support of this group of idiots out in the cold, his karma increased by a multiple of ten! But that's another story.

Speaker called it "cat-herding" to get everyone out for the fun. I call it a joy and a pleasure. I really hope we all get to do it again, (in warmer weather please!) in the very near future. Mixing my passion for golf with friends new and old, just can't be beat for a really great time. I thank everyone who participated for making this kid's Friday afternoon, such an incredibly amazing part of the 2009 WPBT.

I also thank CK for doing so much to get this all organized. The fact that she could make it out to join us after all, was the best part of the day for sure. Rot's and Rot's of Ruv partner. You are the bestest!

This is getting a bit long'ish so, we'll try and cover the rest tomorrow. Stop by and see what happens if you can. I'm going to try and put the final touches, (pardon the pun) on the ass-grab, re-ass-grab hand of the weekend.

My sincerest thanks for dropping by....

5 comments:

Drizztdj said...

Still felt like a wuss getting a jacket but those cart rides got cold!

Not to mention being out nearly $60!

The Wife said...

I can't wait for the ass-grab portion of the story!

Shrike said...

So annoyed that I missed this. Next year!

-PL

BWoP said...

I am SO glad I got to make it to the golf outing. I couldn't have asked for a better partner in crime!

Joe Speaker said...

That was awesome. My favorite day of golf ever.

Thanks again.